Neil's Daily Tarot Journal

April 4 2007: Ace of Pentacles rev & Empress rev

2007-04-04T17:24:00.000-07:00

Today the focus is on the physical world, material concerns, money, body, practical matters.

I drew the card to see what the focus should be, I was considering working out, cleaning up the apartment and going to buy a USB port for the computer. All practical affairs which would follow suit (pun intended).

Reversed it's more a case of taking care of myself I think, personal physical concerns. I want to arrange the space at home to be cleaner and clearer - i wish I had a magic wand to do it, but I know there's a meditation in there somewhere.

I asked for more insight into what this card is telling me and I pulled the Empress reversed. Immediately I notice her hands pointing, she's pointing up at the Moon - so this wouldbe of course domestic issues (moon = home in Astrology) and also my Astrology work. Also perhaps picking the things up off the ground since things lay at her feet.

Traditionally Empress card relates to comfort concerns and creativity. So work first then pleasure i guess you could call this combination. I'll get right to it.

Overall Card for 2007 - Page of Cups

2007-04-03T18:25:00.000-07:00

My card of the Year to sum everything up is: the Page of Cups.

I think this card really sum sup Pisces energy. Sensitive, soft, flowing. The water on his head shows that emotions this year continue to move me ahead. But I can handle it. There is my true Piscean nature being brought to the surface for all to see (fish emerging) the red rose of love and sexual expression (another creative force).

The power of my emotions, feeling nature, self expression are all that matters this year. The power of my feeling can move any situation (water wearing away the rocks of challenges).

The look on his face is one of contemplation again - so most of this year will be about continually going inside to my 'sacred chamber' or 'inner library' each day to see what's happening for the day and what I want to create. I think I'll do that this year, check inside each morning and check the transits of the day to outline what my calendar will be (instead of trying to force myself into a 9 - 5 routine). Funny how i never wantd that and now i try to force it upon myself.

This year, it is about poetry, soul-expression and bringing out my true essence. Cups are emotions and Pages are new beginnings the first energy of the suit. Messages. New reasons to be excited. Births. Good news.

Be Emotional: be moved or touched
let your feelings show
respond to beauty
be sentimental or romantic
shed your detachment
let your heart lead the way
Be Intuitive: receive guidance from within
act on a hunch
remember your dreams
have a psychic experience
experience direct knowing
trust your gut reaction
Be Intimate: start or renew a love affair
meet someone you're attracted to
get closer to someone
go beyond formalities
have a special moment of togetherness
solidify a friendship
share something personal
Be Loving: make a thoughtful gesture
express sympathy and understanding
forgive yourself
forgive someone who has hurt you
apologize to someone you have hurt
reach out and touch someone
mend a broken relationship
brighten someone's day
respond with caring rather than anger
refuse to judge or condemn

Page of Cups - You will receive an offer of help and cooperation; energy which has moved through possessiveness, manipulation and jealousy and mastered the capacity to offer emotional loyalty to others in objective ways. A gentle, quiet person - emotionally secure and able to communicate feelings, desires and concerns in realistic and meaningful ways. Unencumbered by the conflict with responsibility or sensual desire - contemplation and fantasy are in proper balance.

The development of wonderful ideas and psychic abilities through meditation and study, developed in a peaceful way. An important messages will be arriving soon - be ready to start a new project. Continually express your feelings - purify yourself emotionally. You get rid of unwanted feelings by expressing them. "Feel" the ecstatic renewal of your heart and spirit by revealing your deepest emotions.

Emotional, sensitive, creative, emotionally resourceful, loyal, tender, affectionate. Emotionally dependent on others, sentimental, ruled by the drive for the transformation. Drive and the forces of change is instinctive, passive as the growth of a child is automatic. Good emotional feel for things, active subconscious, wide range of emotions, exaggeration - emotionally playful, light-hearted, emotional innocence, purity. Appropriate naivety in emotional/creative affairs. Lack of emotional/sexual experience. The transformation side of things emotional and represents new emotional opportunities, situations, events and guides. Learning lessons directly from emotional interaction. Emotional renewal, emotional news (happenings with people). Here is the fountain of emotional youth which keeps our hearts from aging just as the fountain of influence under the Page of Pentacles serves to keep our bodies young.

Questions to Answer: Who depends on you emotionally? What does your intuition say to do? How can you serve others? Who offers unqualified, non-judgmental love?

Card Twelve: 3 of Wands

2007-04-03T17:59:00.000-07:00

Twelfth House: 3 of Wands

The way back to my Source this year is by looking ahead, turning my back on the past and keeping my eye on my soul's horizon. There is growth now in venturing ahead. Creative (3) use of the will (rods).

There is soul support (leaning on rod) from the unconscious so following impulse because it feels right. It's not so much action as the contemplation of us. The possibilities ahead are more important than direct action?

Planning stages - an embryo. The Universe 'has my back' what am I going to do now with this new 3 birthing energy. Where shall I take it. A lot of unconscious energy and will is at my disposal now.

Venturing deeper into my unconscious with meditation perhaps, a sacred journey. All outside is a trip into my soul. Remember that this year. All you see outside is part of an inner pathway, along with all people you meet along the way, Guardians to secret portions of your self and soul. Tolls etc, to show dedication.

Escape could come through the thinking and not so much the doing, or through acting irrationally.

Completion comes with keeping body-mind-spirit as one in each adventure and decision.

exploring the unknown: seeking out uncharted areas
going in quest of new adventure
expanding horizons
leaving the secure behind
tackling something different
having foresight: being visionary
looking for greater possibilities
planning ahead
knowing what to expect
getting a premonition
anticipating obstacles
taking the long view
demonstrating leadership: showing others the way
taking the main role
providing needed direction
rallying the group behind you
assuming a responsible position
setting an example
serving as a representative

Three of Wands - Virtue and integrity - the union of your mind, heart and action working in harmony with one another. You have the ability to envision new possibilities long before they become a reality. New business ventures will prosper with the right teammate - someone willing to give you assistance - a creative partnership. You can receive the help you need from someone knowledgeable. Indicates the potential commencement of an enterprise. Your foundation is firm and work can be fearlessly continued.

You travel farther in your mind than some people ever do in physical reality and you have many unusual experiences. You need to first acquire a sense of your terrain before you begin anything. You get excited by your visions and can communicate your enthusiasm to others - yet sometimes, your distance from where things are happening leaves you with no concept of how to get down to work and put your ideas into action. You have the ability to love more than one person - when you are always seeking something that is out of reach - you may fail to appreciate fully the good things that are close at hand. You have a great need for the free expression of your thoughts and feelings - yet you are steadfast and dependable. Your love and care for the people in your life is strong and can be felt even from a great distance.

Allow your spirit to merge with your visions - to explore and seek out new, deeper experiences - while you stay behind, rooted in reality, directing the images to their greatest potential. Maintain a primary commitment to your existing situations and relationships while at the same time looking for new friends, lovers and adventures. Having known trouble, struggling with the past - you now come to peace with your memories. Prepare yourself to move forward. Be open to helping everyone - including yourself. Know that everyone is suffering in some way - accept everyone's frailties and shortcomings with tolerance. Commit yourself with unconditional love to help others become whole. You have the ability to heal through your understanding love and healing hands - be gentle, be patient. Compassion is nurturing and loving and the results will renew your spirit. Follow and trust your guides and intuition - love is the divine healing power - be optimistic - use it!

Spiritual purpose moving with the will of a dedicated, efficient mind behind it. Intuitive decisions have been made and the wheels are in motion. The fruition and extension of past discoveries rather than a launch into the totally new. Optimism, a "knowing that you know" kind of confidence that feeds your commitment to serious work. There is an objective awareness of your Karmic Contract and enthusiastic agreement to carry it out to the letter. Dedication. Visionary insight joins the clarity of mind, enabling you to be meticulous, accurate, painstaking as you organize in the Spiritual/Intuitive Plane and prepare toward your foundation. Now there is power and strength and wisdom enough for major achievements. One eye on the past, the other on the future as you walk the balance beam of life.

Questions to Answer: Where do your ambitions lie? Where are you putting your attentions? What and whom are you drawing to yourself through your vitality, power and energy? What are you envisioning for the future? What and with whom do you have to coordinate to achieve your plan?

Card Eleven: 2 of Swords

2007-04-03T17:52:00.000-07:00

Eleventh House: 2 of Swords

Future goals rely on balance thought, objective opinions, inner dialogue and peace of mind. Peace comes with a stalemate, not choosing perhaps, or standing between the polarity of thought.

It's like standing between past and present here. If this house relates to hopes, goals and dreams, it's for a quiet peace of mind, end to conflict.

Within friendships there's a sort of stalemate again, two sides not discussing issues but I have learned of late that it's best to ignore conflict as it's not real, and to keep moving forward. Keeping eyes trained inwards and mouth closed. It's about my learning only. So i guess peace because of inaction with my social circle. It's not about what they do it's about what I'm thinking. Good old Law of Attraction again.

Being the mediator and between two factions, options, choices or issues and finding grounding from being in the middle where it's less chaotic. My freedom this year comes from seeing both sides of each equation and then, perhaps, taking neither.

blocking emotions: denying true feelings
stifling a natural response
keeping another at arm's length
hiding distress
turning a deaf ear
being defensive
maintaining your cool
avoiding the truth: refusing to look at facts
pretending everything's fine
ignoring the warning signs
closing your eyes to what's going on
avoiding an unpleasantness
choosing not to know
being at a stalemate: feeling afraid to act
reaching an impasse
staying stuck
refusing to decide
being unwilling to rock the boat
staying on the fence

Two of Swords - You are stalemated in your affairs and you don't know which direction to go next. You seek a new approach, but your emotions are involved which make it difficult to decide what to do. You desire to be a peacemaker, so you are reluctant to express your opinions unless you are forced to. Wanting order and stability - you seek to maintain calm through your balanced rationality, which causes you to deny your intuitions. It is the "conflict" between your opinions and others which is causing the stalemate and indecision.

There is no confusion here - you have deliberately closed your eyes so that you will not have to choose between friend and enemy - the very choice which is your first step to involving yourself with people again. In your attempts to protect yourself you have closed off your heart - blocked your emotions, trying to hold them within. This attempt to stop your emotions is virtually making you more emotional. You are trying to think and act - not from your center - but from your own constricted emotions.

Seek your solution through your "inner" guidance - the answers will be provided and vivid peace restored. Recognize that when you are unable to see your options - your rationality is of no help. Stop trying to "force" things to happen prematurely. Listen to the swell of your emotions - then you will KNOW when the tide has turned and it is time to act. Mental clarity and balance may require removing yourself from the action. Get away from it all to see the truth and in this state of detachment and non-involvement, you can see with non-judgmental awareness. Allow your higher consciousness to decide on an action according to the higher laws and values of the Universe. Experience your faculties of analysis - the creative power of your thought. Peace will soon be restored - you will know clarity and balance as you bring the two issues together into a state of resolution. There will be recognition and success - do not allow this situation to upset you.

The entrance of the "other" at the mental level - the recognition of an alternative, then the action in relation to that choice. Decision. The desire and ability to identify and understand the other side. Arbitration, debate, defining position or opposition. Objectivity, a second opinion, review, negotiation, compromise, truce, compatibility, contracts, tact, diplomacy. To agree, to unite mentally.

Questions to Answer: What are you hesitating to do? With whom do you have to make peace or reconcile? What are you struggling to maintain in balance? What decision would you prefer not to make? What would you prefer not to know about?

Card Ten: 8 of swords

2007-04-02T21:21:00.000-07:00

Tenth House: 8 of Swords

This was the card I drew on Jan 1 for the rest of the year for Pisces. Funny how it falls now in my 10th house of career and achievement, Pluto in Pisces 10th house retrograding now shows more power/career energies at play this year.

So many options, are my hands tied or am I THINKING it's stressful when it's not, because i won't open my eyes and look at the options. There's always a back door and a way out (no sword behind her) and it's not a prison, it's just mentally doing too much or being too abstract or turning back on established security (castle).

Red is passion, so don't let aggressive side get in the way of clarity of mind. Career advancement and public life now is not so much OUT THERE but IN HERE and its about the mind and information and "looking within"/ Stop looking outside for manifestation this year, and career change, it's about how I think on the inside (mixed with feeling, the red robes).

Mental energies are the way ahead this year, true focus. Eyes on the prize. The tower looms over my head, so I'm already at the top it's not about the climb but being mentally at peace with every step of the journey. Showing (over head) strength and structure. Thinking on my feet.

Could be mentally tied up with so many ideas and projects but it's about keeping a clear and clean head. Focusing on what is being built and the final structure. Let nothing else come to mind but the final structure. The final manifestation and feeling of achievement and peace, mental harmony.

8 is power - and swords are thought. MIND POWER manifests career and public success.

feeling restricted: being fenced in by obstacles
staying in a limited situation
feeling trapped by circumstances
experiencing few options
being blind to freedom
feeling persecuted
feeling confused: being unsure which way to turn
feeling at a loss
lacking direction
feeling overwhelmed
floundering around
needing guidance and clarity
not understanding what is happening
feeling powerless: waiting for outside rescue
doubting anything you do will help
avoiding responsibility
looking for a white knight
feeling victimized
accepting inaction

Eight of Swords - Your "ego" represents the non-trusting, doubting, over-analytical part of your mind which is unable to make any decisions - always feeling very restricted, experiencing hurt or anxiety. Recognize now that your vision has been blocked because of the fear you feel "inside" - it is creating confusion. Trying to battle more than one issue at a time will always create indecision and cause you to waste precious energy on minor details. You are unable to think clearly now - you need help and sensible advice. Pull back now, go deep inside - seek peace and allow your "inner" voice to direct you. Stop believing you will be swamped by your emotions if you take a step toward your goals - recognize that you have done this to yourself and begin to focus on developing your potentials. Stop fearing success and power - accept the beast within you. See your abilities clearly and loose your passions - you have restrained yourself from activity long enough, avoiding the present by trying to convince yourself that there are no alternatives. These beliefs keep you hemmed in - they always provide reasons why nothing will work.

You are not being held back by direct force, but by your training - this belief in your own helplessness and your blind acceptance of what you have been taught. The recognition of your ignorance is the first step to true knowledge - without enlightenment you will never be able to say "this is the truth, this is the way things really are". Recognize now that nothing prevents you from leaving - you are bound only by your own "illusions".

Balance your mind. Use your creativity and imagination and your logic and reason in equal proportions. Integrate these opposite poles of consciousness. Structure your creative visions into meaningful order of thought and action. See both sides and seek out the common points - bring the opposition together and you will find your genius.

The objective, conscious mind reaches the limits of the lower "ego", which under the impact and pull of the higher emotions and compassion - realizes that to achieve even its most personal and self-oriented goals it must advance to a more mature "Ego" which encompasses more of the Universal Mind. The mind has opened to include extensions of the personal self with a mate and children and a widening circle of close friends. Now the circle must open even further. A variety of new challenges are presented with increased demands from your mental Karmic Contract. Your first reaction is to close your eyes to the magnitude of the tasks. Greater responsibility. The mind's role in organizing is challenged by the higher order of consciousness realized as the higher emotions' compassion and universal love bring new sensations, new data that defies rationalization. To rationalize this new process is precisely what the mind must do. With this greater ability to see the extent of order in the above, so grows the ability to see the extent of disorder in the below. The effect of the combination of the lower mental levels. Creative fruitation and self-assured expression in which the lower ego is pulsing with its potential and must pair with the maturing process of uncertainty and freedom that undergirds free will.

Questions to Answer: What actions, plans or ideas are being blocked by circumstances beyond your control? What would you like to do if you could get rid of the obstacles and blocks? Who or what could assist you to break free? What benefits do you receive by not acting? What is interfering with your creative expressions? Or your ability to communicate?

Card Nine: 4 of Swords

2007-04-02T21:17:00.000-07:00

Ninth House - 4 of Swords

As far as beliefs and philosophies go - rest is the best course of action, best defence (armour), and distance and time out gives space to decide on the best course of action.

This could be taking a break by taking a trip (9th travel) or resting from all this knowledge gathering and dispersal or there is peace now found in doing so. 4s are grounded and here we have grounded ideas and thoughts and peace of mind (swords are intellect) so balanced perspective and a workable (and livable) philosophy this year comes from taking time out to think things through, "sleeping on it" and resting before leaping or deciding.'

Walling myself with certain strict beliefs will only put me under the gun, timeclock or knife (swords hanging above) and there's truly no need to protect yourself from the truth if the truth liberates you.

So being sure of myself will enable me to feel at peace this year knowing I'm doing what's "right" for myself in any given moment. Balanced perspective is freedom.

resting: taking a break
giving your body time to heal
avoiding overexertion
finding peace and quiet
relaxing body and soul
taking life easy
contemplating: gaining a better perspective
listening for your Inner Voice
taking time alone to think
standing back from the situation
examining your motivations
reviewing where you are
quietly preparing: consolidating inner resources
making sure your base is secure
getting ready for the future
coming to terms with what is
tieing up loose ends
stabilizing

Four of Swords - The negotiating mind - the meditating mind which is flexible, committed to staying in balance and non-positional. Maintain balance on all four levels - mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically. Move through these conflicting issues and resolve them. Stabilize yourself - rest and take this time to think of new plans. Your dreams will come true but you must wait. Things are changing - prepare your mind and make your plans. Give yourself time - this situation is getting better. There is no hurry now - consider this a convalescent period - a time to renew both your physical and mental energies and establish your thoughts.

Be willing now to face the issues, pay attention and tell the truth. Do not be concerned with the outcome, for it will be as it was meant to be. Establish your own sense of order and harmony. Build a solid foundation upon which you can expand. Withdrawal can lead to healing - allowing you to recoup your strength by holding back from the fight until there is a better chance to win and giving yourself time to recover from deep hurt and wounding. However, withdrawal - even for the purpose of recovery - can shut a person off from the world, creating a kind of spell that only an outside energy can break. Has your confident mask grown too heavy? Have you responded to your difficulties by isolating yourself - preferring to hide from the world rather than show your other side or try to work with people, flattening your emotional reactions and trying to hide them deep inside yourself?

Meditative composure, a well-centered mentality - a mental plateau. Mental stability, reliability - a centering of thoughts before going on, mental foundation. An introspective turn of the mind, but not in the sense of the Hermit. A break in the "affairs of the day" so that you may soon return refreshed and ready to "do battle" again. Here is the completion of mental projects - graduations/certifications. A laying of mental foundations. Introspection. Strong sense of identity, self-worth. Planning, fundamental understanding - rationality, practicality, facts, objectivity, order - a need for cleanliness, discipline, obedience, law, control, self-confidence and patience.

Questions to Answer: From what do you need to rest or retreat? Where do you need to focus your energies in order to recuperate your strength? What can you do to gain a better perspective and be fair and just in this situation? What kind of professional assistance would help most?

House Eight: 8 of Coins

2007-03-31T20:37:00.000-07:00

Eight House: 8 of Coins

There's work to be done in this area of life. Shared resources, intimacy, sex and power. There's a lot been built so far, and this continues now. Elbow work. Going the extra mile. Building on the success to date, going deeper by displaying talents, perfecting and continuing. Don't give up now.

Discipline and focus can be used in the house areas - gaining self-mastery, power, cutting out bad habits, letting go. instead of death it's now 'what can be created'. Instead of going into dark (or wasteful spaces) make something! Use your power, don't just feel i or ride it. Put it to use in the physical world for ultimate success and power.

This is a money card and in the 8th of others money, they are willing to give you gifts and invest (could be lotto could be a fun or heads-up to help you out). Your work brings you the power you desire, and also the fulfillment. Sex to you is the achievement of work! Doing it well and showing off. Demonstrating your skills will increase your ultimate pleasure on a soul level (deep 8th house stuff).

Drawing up a blueprint of what you want - in your sex life for year ahead especially, since it's a major focus in a Scorpio Rising year (and lifetime). What are you working on? Can you show off your skills here? You can let go, or you can COME..into something. Come into yourself, into your work. Make something of your depth and your depth will make something of you.

showing diligence

making an effort
working hard
applying yourself totally
being absorbed in a project
dedicating yourself to a task
plugging away
producing steady results

increasing knowledge

taking a course
learning a new craft or skill
receiving training
pursuing greater understanding
researching
finding out the facts
increasing expertise

paying attention to detail

being painstaking
being extra careful
approaching a task methodically
getting down to the nitty-gritty
handling all the loose ends
checking and rechecking
noticing the fine points

Eight of Pentacles - Allow yourself to experience your prudence and wisdom - your training has brought both discipline and skill. You have strong characteristics - prepare for your future - continue to study and learn your trade, skill or profession. You may not be receiving much monetary gain at this time but you are definitely on the right track. Continue to develop your abilities and refine your skills. Remain dedicated to your personal goal - it may seem far off, but you should continue to establish your power and use it wisely. Always keep your goal in focus - work on it even when it seems tedious.

Staying healthy and whole requires constant change. Adapt to ever-changing realities - remain flexible, versatile and adaptable. Some situations will call on all your energy just to keep going, hoping for things to get better. The repetition of your activities gives you a sense of security. If you want to be recognized for your craftsmanship - you must be willing to undergo an apprenticeship to develop your strengths. You do things with the belief that they are worthy of your time and effort. Look forward to the future, plan your moves and prudently prepare things in advance. Keep yourself renewed, alert, creative and stimulated - unfold and begin to branch out. One form of learning is to take care of yourself and your own needs - to get your finances and resources in order. Do not move in the extremes now by over-extending yourself externally - operate from your internal center. Your greatest skill is knowing both your medium and your message so well that you work in harmony with their natures and they function together at their best. You must care about your work, it must relate to the world. If it does not serve the community - it will lack any real meaning.

The effect of the highest order of emotions on the Physical Plane, wherein the physical aspires to the spiritual as indeed the spiritual has aspired to the physical through your incarnation. There is increase in productivity with the joy of proper work. your physical/material foundation itself moves forward. Pleasure in material things in a very positive sense as you begin to truly see and experience the pulse of God in nature and all things material, organic and inorganic. Your environmental support systems are in place and working - you efficiently identify with them as they are literally extensions of your self. Great enjoyment of physical exertion, whether work or leisure. Physical prowess. Dedicated, mature worker. Good use of power and resources. Thoroughness, precision - the physical level produces quality and quantity that surpasses individual needs, surpasses extended family needs offering the excess of its efficiency to the greater good of all who require it. This is the efficient use of material resources and manpower to the aggrandizement of both. Less makes more. Here the total exceeds the sum of its parts. Teamwork, physically coordinated with others as group output takes priority. Lower and higher reality combine here to great effect. The equal accommodation of these that sets the stage for the next step. Recognition and honoring of the physical origin (father) which is looking backward to the past together with the honoring of the product (son) which becomes the new physical origin with an eye to the future. An air of magic given to the efficient and prodigious output now possible.

Questions to Answer: What are you working on or preparing ahead of time? What skill or craft are you learning? What details do you need to examine and take care of? How can you create a regular time and place to work? What preparations do you need to make? What are you doing to take care of your health and well-being?

Card Seven: 5 of Cups

2007-03-31T20:31:00.000-07:00

Seventh House: 5 of Cups

Relationships and partnerships are defined by disappointment, what doesn't work out, what doesn't connect, bridges burned, doors closing, things going 'wrong', mistakes, errors, messes.

From this comes the solid foundation (castle in distance) of what is wanted. So using the - to get to the + as it were.

Not being led astray by what the 'other' is doing. it would be too easy to see what's not going according to the plan set out by your own ego. You don't know, can't know what someone else is feeling or doing. Don't guess.

Saying goodbye to some relationships. But the cups behind show a lot of good is here and waiting if you can take your eyes off what you DON'T WANT and what u have and want. Go from there.

Past relationships are easy to get dragged into again - facing left, the figure looks at the actions of spilled milk (or whine...haha this was a typo but I'll leave it in). Is it wine or blood? Who cares. It's spilled. Move on.

Standing complaining and not cleaning up or trying to, will only delay healing.

Any partnership now is faced with the question - how do we resolve this? How do we clean this up? At least you both know what you have to work on. Makes life easier than being in the dark. So divisions and boundaries help.

Emotional upset is far worse than any physical stress. This is a cups card. Your heart is heavy, and you're letting past disappointment ground you down too far. Stay buoyant. The heavy feeling can just as easily be turned to lightness if there's willingness. Not all cups are spilled and never are - is it half full or empty?

suffering a loss: letting go of a hope
giving up the win
experiencing a setback
being defeated
having a possession taken away
saying good-bye
feeling bereft: breaking up a relationship
feeling deprived of love
longing to be reunited
grieving
feeling sorrow
feeling regret: being disappointed by events
crying over spilt milk
wanting to turn back the clock
wishing for what might have been
believing you made the wrong choice
acknowledging mistakes

Five of Cups - Disappointment is the result of emotional attachment to an expectation that has gone unfulfilled. The "negative" mind views this as a loss and the outcome is sadness and heartache, which takes a while to heal. You find it hard to explain the turmoil you feel inside, the lack of harmony. You never sufficiently appreciate something until you have lost it. Letting go of a person or a lifestyle takes time. You are experiencing grief and learning to transcend deep loss. When something you have put your heart and soul into has not worked out, you experience disappointment, loss of harmony and doubt in the very beliefs that have sustained you. Turning your grief inward is appropriate for a short time. Actual healing takes place when you throw off the sorrow, pick up the pieces and renew your interactions with loving friends.

Focus all your energy on a new project. Set your goals, but live in the moment. Release your attachment to "expected" outcomes and "cross the bridges as you come to them." Release yourself from heartache - accept your loss and release the sorrow. Make a conscious, determined choice to pick up the pieces and move forward towards your future - seek a new beginning.

Freedom and uncertainty - a multiplicity of choice at the emotional/creative level. The dilemma - how to preserve the order and discipline from your foundation while moving forward. Movement, but the activity is within a limited range while there is pause for reparation by the heart. Represents lack of movement, a pause. Testing the waters of your emotional world, determining where and how to enhance it. The beginning of the need for priorities to grow into the extensions of self, family and close friends. On the positive side of this coin you see an easy going, light-hearted nature, agreeability, adaptability, openness, multifaceted personality, refreshing presence, emotional independence, unfettered creative originality. Sadness, disappointment, frustration, guild/shame/conscience, hesitation when appropriate. The positive effect of a brainstorming mind on the emotions.

Questions to Answer: What does it seem you have lost? What do you despair over? What are you disillusioned or disappointed with? What do you feel sorry about? What are some possible alternatives to what you have lost? What awaits your attention? What have you learned from your mistakes?

Card Six: Knight of Rods

2007-03-31T20:27:00.000-07:00

Knights are energy in motion, directed, with a purpose. Here it's firepower again, initiation, activation. Fueled into the 6th house of work, health, job and service.

Health: conquering new land. Strength. Trying new approaches. Heating up if stressed, fever, headache etc (dragon on the head). being hot-heated leads to this. Cool down, get outside more - more sunshine.

Job: New projects, self employment, taking the lead. New avenues, lot of energy directed into this. In command! Could be working alongside strong fire energy, a Leo or Sag perhaps. It's bright, energetic and fun. No need to fight, or prove, just enjoy the leadership you already have and contain.

Yellow is mental power - so activating mind with movement. Doing it and thinking about it, same time. Fwd movement in this. Progress in purpose.

Charming..........Superficial: is physically attractive..........focuses on style and appearance
disarms opposition with a smile..........can be thoughtless and insensitive
is sexy and seductive..........pursues sexual conquests
generates glamour and excitement..........avoids deep or serious matters
is honey-tongued..........may say or do what's expedient
Self-confident..........Cocky: totally lacks self-doubt..........overestimates abilities
has a can-do attitude..........may boast and brag
is convinced of his or her talent..........exaggerates accomplishments
is self-assured at all times..........is brash and nervy
doesn't sweat the small stuff..........is sometimes presumptuous
Daring..........Foolhardy: will risk anything without fear..........is reckless and rash
will tackle what others avoid..........will endanger self and others
is the first to volunteer for danger..........doesn't give danger due respect
loves being a hero..........is impetuous
boldly goes where no one has gone before..........is a daredevil
Adventurous..........Restless: loves travel and new experiences..........is never content to be still
seeks novelty and change..........can't set down roots or make ties
makes things happen..........lacks inner peace and serenity
rises to every challenge..........won't stop to smell the roses
is footloose and fancy-free..........must have constant stimulation
Passionate..........Hot-tempered: is easily roused to action..........angers easily
feels strong loyalties..........is too ready for a fight
feels everything powerfully..........lashes out when riled
takes a vocal stand..........often acts without thinking
jumps in with both feet.........may have a chip on his or her shoulder

Knight of Wands - The dynamic mastery of unlimited creative expression totally inspired from within - freed to powerfully express itself. You are capable of doing anything - never limit yourself. Be versatile and adaptable - strive for greater mastery over your mind, heart and body.

Expect someone to present thoughts or ideas which will be advantageous to you - inspiring your creativity and taking you in new directions. This is the start or finish of an important situation which may require a possible change of residence. You will feel compelled to make sudden decisions related to the important aspects of your living and working conditions - to move in new directions, to create a new beginning or venture into new fields. Thoughts are now stirring. You have the power to influence and transform, to heal - liberate your spirit. As a channel for the great spirit, you become enlightened and an enlightener - transcend your personal ego.

Eagerness, action, movement, adventure and travel need a grounding influence. Allied with a sense of purpose and aided by the influence of planning - you can provide the energy and self- confidence necessary for great achievements. Focus your mind now - concentrate, pay attention to the details if you wish to manifest your desires. The trials and difficulties will demand vigorous attention - conflict can arise if your plans are not made carefully. Your mind is positive and alert now, use it constructively.

Intuitive, spiritual, vibrant, fiery, introspective, humorous - a defender of ideologies. Change agent for beliefs. Benevolent, dedicated - a natural leader. Student of religion, enlightenment and intellectual growth. New world views coupled with intuitive action - a disciple.

Questions to Answer: How are you growing and developing? How are you taking risks? Who is radiating creative or sexual energy in your life? Who enthusiastically wants to get going on something?

Card Five: 10 of Wands

2007-03-31T19:43:00.000-07:00

Fifth House: The 10 of Wands

An abundance of creative projects this year. Wands are energy inspiration, fire-power, initiation. And here we could suffer burnout if there isn't a clear direction. Where's it all leading? I get the impression I may not know for the long haul this year but the long haul is all that matters. A lot on my hands, project wise (5th house is about creativity). A lot of fun but it may not seem so at times because I'm too focused on what I'm creating. Get a bigger picture.

The ten is the peak, the final card of the suit. So there's the final chapter of a long awaited or long worked for project.

Suitors are widespread - since the 5th is love relationships, dates, fun times. Can I have fun or am i so consumed with what I'm creating? Will the creations take over?

Playing and the joy of creating must not be squashed by the very act of creation this year. Remember the direction and enjoy the journey. Don't block your light by trying to show off too much of what you can do. Giving matters more than 'are they receiving?'. Receiving isn't your job now, it's to give all of who you are.

overextending: trying to do too much
refusing to say "no"
taking all the blame
assuming another's debt
doing the lion's share
having to work overtime
shouldering all the work
being saddled with an extra load
feeling burdened: never having time to relax
feeling tied to a treadmill
being taxed to the limit
assuming responsibility
being held accountable
carrying out an unpleasant duty
cleaning up a messy situation
being left holding the bag
struggling: fighting uphill
doing everything the hard way
experiencing resistance
pushing against the current
having to work for every gain
finding that nothing comes easily
laboring

Ten of Wands - You have been under pressure and experienced many changes in your lifetime. Your creativity has been blocked because you have taken on too many responsibilities. You are experiencing an oppressive burden both physically and mentally. Dynamic change will "seem" impossible when you are burdened by too great a load or too many activities. When you take on other people's cares and projects - you are unable to take time for yourself. Your vision becomes blocked by the immediate concerns of day-to-day drudgeries. Re-consider the tremendous responsibilities you have taken on. Do you actually prefer life this way or are you purposely holding yourself back?

Has your eagerness to please others involved you in so many situations that your energy is weighed down with commitments and problems? Do you want to be free to travel, to seek adventure and new involvements - yet find yourself caught in an endless circle of responsibilities - family, financial and work? Do you take on all the total weight of your relationships - always trying to smooth whatever problems, conflicts or dissatisfactions arise - actually struggling to keep a relationship going while the other person is not even aware of what is happening?

You have created these situations yourself - by acting without thinking or taking on a new problem simply for the challenge. In practical or emotional affairs - other approaches are possible - recognize now that these burdens can be avoided. Consider now if your burdens are real or if they are serving as an excuse to avoid doing something really constructive with your life - such as allowing yourself to break away from a bad situation?

Begin to stretch the limits and boundaries you have placed on yourself - extend yourself. Confront your fear of success and begin to move forward and grow. Experience the unfamiliar and grow in understanding. See with greater clarity your subconscious fears, your intuitive wisdom and your personal power. Teach yourself to be at home anywhere; to be versatile, adaptable and flexible.

The completion of a major spiritual cycle, with outcomes as God would have them. The ultimate extension of the self in the Spiritual Plane. The merging of God within (self-will/man's will) with the god without (God's will). Hard work and so correctly communicates the paradox of spiritual fulfillment as more work, more responsibility - not less. Our path leads ever to more work, but we are ever more capable of handling it. Things get both harder and easier. Duality - the completion of one cycle is merely the preparation for the next even greater task. A knowing relationship with the Divine, a hands-on working knowledge of the endless cycle of underlying ultimate truths. The soul in control - a spiritual master in the making. Not only do we have the wisdom which is the ability to manage knowledge, here is the Wisdom which is the ability to manage spirit. Spiritual longevity, individual spirit identified with universal spirit - a dedicated life to whom much is given and much is required. Wisdom.

Questions to Answer: What responsibilities are weighing heavily on your shoulders? What are you feeling burdened with? What is your goal? When will you get there? Who or what is restricting you and keeping you from manifesting your full radiant energy? Why have you taken on these responsibilities? How can you best use your powers and energies?

Card Four: The Hanged Man

2007-03-27T23:36:00.000-07:00

Fourth House: The Hanged Man

Gut feeling wise (a very 4th house thing) says that it'll be a year of personal revolution. Turning feelings around and finding more detachment from them. Turning them on their heads. Uprooting (I'm planning on moving) and finding something (a place and way of being) that reflects my newfound independence and freedom (Uranus is in my natal 4th house right now and the Solar Eclipse fell there this month).

So CHANGE, but a gentle, calm, self created one, which is good to see. Seeing things from a different perspective. A new and unusual home (and home life). The Hanged Man is connected to the element of Water) so bringing water into the home, living by the water, or just a lot more feeling at home. Possible water issues as a reflection of this. I already cut my finger when I tipped the water cooler onto my hand and it fell, this happened week or so ago).

Looks like more time for meditation and 'hanging' lol. Taking it easy. Using the mind more (yet this is a water card, will have to do some research to get further into this symbol). it seems to be about using the head more (head is nearer the ground of the card). Yet also remaining in the air about things, not touching down (one foot is tied). Stay grounded in the realm of thought? Channeling ideas. Balancing head and feeling again?

I truly see the meditative side of this card - at home, I'll need to become more detached from old feelings, my past. To reserve judgment of self (through judging others too). Blue and red - my two colors, combine here as hot and cold, neither too much of one. Hands aren't tied, it's a choice to not decide or act. One foot is weighted so that structure can be attained and some form of roots while the other foot 'tests the water'...or the air.

CLOUD behind = so much mental activity inside. Stalemate perhaps and something its a sign of sacrifice this card, but I see it as a refreshing year where comfort comes from detaching and thinking things through or letting things be. Emotionally, a time of taking a break from heavy feelings and pondering them instead. Great for my writing again...

letting go: having an emotional release
accepting what is
surrendering to experience
ending the struggle
being vulnerable and open
giving up control
accepting God's will
reversing: turning the world around
changing your mind
overturning old priorities
seeing from a new angle
upending the old order
doing an about-face
suspending action: pausing to reflect
feeling outside of time
taking time to just be
giving up urgency
living in the moment
waiting for the best opportunity
sacrificing: being a martyr
renouncing a claim
putting self-interest aside
going one step back to go two steps forward
giving up for a higher cause
putting others first

The Hanged Man - After the crisis of seeing what you have made of your life comes the peace of acceptance. Love alone can effect the transformation to "obedience" through which your will is able to "perceive" the revelations from above which inspire, direct and strengthen you. Your choice to obey renders your will capable of receiving the divine call from above - the gift of faith - the union of your will to Gods will, leaving behind the powers of thought and imagination.

Authentic faith produces absolute certainty as you pierce the barriers of your limited consciousness and avail yourself to the higher wisdom. Allow yourself now to experience the power of "stillness" and you will be blessed with truth. Look above your present situation - prepare your mind for new and innovative ideas - a complete and unexpected change at home and at work. Trust and have faith that there are unexpected views, attitudes or decisions on the horizon.

Your heart is the center of LOVE - it abolishes distance and has the power to make all things present. God is present in a heart that is glowing with love, for this heart perceives His spiritual warmth and learns not to reject anything...for authentic faith renders everything truly useful - it gives value, meaning and purpose to everything. Do the opposite of what your "ego" ordinarily expects and you will achieve victory. Release your self-aspirations, be patient, accept yourself - understand your limitations and success will soon follow. Look at what you have hidden - turn your shadows into light and you will control the forces which control your life.

It is the process of your "ego" or "waking" mind to first think - it must first imagine, feel and desire before it will finally choose to "act". Your Higher Self "acts" first - then it desires to KNOW, then it feels the worth of its action and lastly it understands - for its FAITH is the firm assurance of things hoped for and the conviction of things not seen. Your "will" KNOWS while your mind and imagination "have not yet seen or understood".

You will now experience the reversal of attitude and experience that comes through spiritual awakening as you are taken out of the ordinary consciousness - that of reason, memory and sensual perception. You will learn to "act" before your thought and imagination have understood what your action implies. While everyone else is frenzied - you will know peace. While other people "believe" themselves to be free, yet are pushed from one thing to another by forces which they do not understand - you will achieve true freedom by understanding and embracing those forces. You KNOW that you must seek solitude wherever you find tension - for in solitude you live, develop spiritual temperament, breath spiritual air, quench your spiritual thirst and satisfy your spiritual hunger. In solitude - you are in control, poised on an "inner" level, centered in peace and through chaos you maintain serenity by reversing the usual way of living and finding contentment. Pause now, be willing to listen and observe things as they really are - not as they "appear" to be on the surface. Suspend your decision-making and remain passive now - use your sympathy, tact and maintain tolerance by centering yourself within.

You still fear that there will be risk and sacrifice in your decision to abandon your worldly values and plunge into the depths of "Self" to seek the inner reality needed to become whole - but from this sacrifice, from your willingness to put aside the world for a while and experiment with the "inner" experience will come enlightenment and renewal. Accept your fate and you will be re-born.

When you try to evaluate any situation based solely on your limited, conflicting beliefs - you will always feel powerless. LOVE does not demand any sacrifice. Sacrifice is nothing more than your own passive surrender to fear and despair. As you try to hold two conflicting ideas simultaneously and equally in your mind - you actually stalemate yourself. "FEEL" the spiritual power within you - allow yourself to surrender to it. Experience it, "feel" the great power and excitement which exists in the midst of complete calm. Withdraw to your "inner" awareness and allow yourself to BE who you are - even if everyone thinks you have everything backwards - allow yourself to experience the calming peace. Be willing now to make your mind a clear, reflective vessel. Suspend your judgments and your expectations so that you might receive higher knowledge.

New - Emotional development, you swing from passionate to compassionate, from inner to outer, from self to others. Opening of the heart chakra allowing others easier access. Life becomes more public as you externalize and extend yourself into your environment. Major emotional shift. Major emotional change, literally turned upside down as the spiritual descends to your emotional level. Voluntary self-sacrifice to a greater good without sacrificing the self. As the self gives, it gets larger. As the heart gives, it grows. An ability and willingness to accept suffering. The open heart is a trusting heart. A change of heart - the heart working vertically to balance the mind and body.

Questions to Answer: What do you expect from the sacrifices you are making? What are you devoted to? How are you hung up? What do you need to get straight? What do you need to give up? What are you trying to escape? How are you seeking higher knowledge?

Card Three: Knight of Cups

2007-03-27T23:20:00.000-07:00

Third House: Knight of Cups

Collecting emotional information from the surroundings. Emotional knowledge. Emotions injected into words and thought and therefore movement. The moving of feeling. A forward progression using emotions as a driving force and fuel.

Thoughts have wings (helmet) and emotions are the grounding force since this is still a water card. What emotions are driving my ideas?

Written work progresses, emotional investment moves it forward. Great for my books and writing in general. An offer of further radio, magazine work. Travel in connection with work (I'm going to Santa Barbara for a Reading with a New York Author, after a successful reading here in LA of her work, entitled Sex Scenes).

Heart and Head connected. Water + Air in the House of Air. Do feelings cloud rational communication? Am I airing my feelings? Sounds like the conflict in ym birth chart between Mercury and the Moon which I forgot about until now. Maybe it's time to look at that. Mercury in Pisces square the Moon in Sagittarius. Thinking before speaking, and feeling before thinking? Or using words now for something useful (Sag publishing) instead of venting off air for no reason. USE words and emotionally powerful ones for a reason now. To further knowledge, books, information. A great year for this for my communication reach. I'm going places with my mouth, mind and words.

Collecting or being given more pieces of the jigsaw. Collecting things - emotional imprints on what I want and need. And being able to keep these in mind. What do I want, What Do I need, What Do I feel? Ask these often this year.

Communicating with my unconscious more ( I started a Dream Journal a few days ago!) and keeping tabs on my emotional energy and where my thoughts are (inject more feeling into my thoughts for ultimate success!)

Romantic.....Overemotional: idealizes love..........lacks self-restraint
emphasizes feelings..........is often jealous
concentrates on the poetry of life..........tends to be gushy and melodramatic
remembers special occasions..........blows hot and cold in affections
expresses sentiments beautifully..........brings flowers, but forgets to put gas in the car
Imaginative..........Fanciful: can tap the fertile unconscious..........indulges in idle daydreams
looks beyond the obvious..........has big ideas that come to nothing
never takes the mundane path..........has an unrealistic approach
spins marvelous tales..........has an overactive imagination
is visionary..........can shade the truth
Sensitive..........Temperamental: is aware of moods and feelings..........is prone to mood swings
helps others open up..........can be petulant and sulky
responds deeply to life..........gels melancholy and depressed
understands the pains of others..........broods excessively
is tactful and diplomatic..........takes offense easily
Refined..........Over-refined: appreciates beauty in all forms..........leaves dirty work to others
seeks the finest..........can't face unpleasantness
creates a pleasing environment..........lacks robust good health
understands subtlety..........emphasizes style over substance
is suave and gracious..........gets overwhelmed by pressure
Introspective..........Introverted: values the inner life..........focuses inward to excess
tries to understand why..........avoids active participation
questions motivations..........is driven to self-examination
seeks self-improvement..........exaggerates personal failings
sees below the surface..........can't relax around others

Knight of Cups - Represents the passionate heart - mastery of the emotional desires which bring out the "lover" in all of us through the expressions and experience of deeply emotional passions. Relationships with Karmic ties. You may be offered an interesting invitation, which will result in an emotional experience that will bring high energy and lift you to an exhilarating state as new situations seem to come from nowhere. Your decisions will be made without much thought and you will experience the feeling of "inner" direction - the experience of warmth, friendliness, love and the need to share these qualities with everyone. There will be good will and a partnership in which good feelings will prevail.

Direct your imagination into the world - true imagination feeds on "action." If you do nothing with your dreams - they will remain vague and unrelated to the rest of your life. Your imagination can lead you to an awareness of the underlying spiritual truth. Maintain your emotional equilibrium - make constant adjustments - flow with the direction being presented and retain your "inner" control. Take advantage of your emotional energies - be open and trust yourself. Explore your deep feelings and you will experience the ecstasy of living.

"Fantasy" - excites, but it lacks any real meaning as you deny your basic commitment to the world and your imagination produces nothing. "Passiveness" can be a means of denying the temptations and desires that are disturbing your peace. The "lover" who does not wish to commit to anything - who is attractive yet always remains passive and withdrawn. Follow a genuine vision, rather than being "pulled" by outside commitments, responsibility or desire - then you can go very deeply into yourself and turn your energy into an exploration of your own inner world.

Emotional, sensitive, creative, dedicated, motivated, sensual, tender - a loving person ruled by the drive for expansion. Close ties with family and friends - a defender of heart and honor. The heart of the group, a leader or volunteer. Art. Emotional change agent - nurturing, emotional learning and growth. The younger lover of an older partner or someone taken under the wing of an emotional advisor. Innocence maturing - a student of romance. Sacrificing for someone or something else.

Questions to Answer: What dream, vision, ideal or love are you following? Who is inviting you on a journey of emotional significance?

Card Two: The Moon

2007-03-27T23:13:00.000-07:00

Second House: The Moon

Interesting in that the Moon appears in my Astrological Solar Return Chart for the year ahead also in my Second House. Odds of that are pretty amazing (78 cards, around 10 planetary placements and 12 houses). So a pretty great sign of change here in this house. The Moon here shows emotions connected to finance. Ideas from the unconscious bring money. Also fear of course. Harnessing the unconscious realms, the savage wolf and the tamed dog of my nature. Its a union of body-mind-soul here. They all face the Moon, so I need to look to my feelings to feel secure, grounded and from there find abundance. Comfort = wealth! Find that feeling first and the money will follow. Towering strength (the towers) and building to the Moon (putting a man on the financial moon this year). Buying a home, since Moon is home. Investing in my emotional well-being and my domestic den and comfort. Nice. I need this. And I can have it, here where comfort and grounding meet my emotional watery realm.

Met needs create security and a feeling of well-being which creates wealth. Therefore wealth must come from a feeling of well-being, based on meeting security needs. Work from the inside out this year, financially. Look to the heart and soul and build on that, first. The money and security and self-worth and satisfaction will follow.

Water and money are lucky - work by the ocean, when it's raining, or else the financial tides are coming in, in my favor. Beautiful.

feeling fear: releasing inner demons
feeling a nameless apprehension
suffering from phobias
giving in to the shadow self
lacking courage
being overcome by anxieties
believing illusions: accepting a false picture
deceiving yourself
having unrealistic ideas
misapprehending the truth
experiencing distortions
chasing after a fantasy
stimulating the imagination: having vivid dreams or visions
opening to fantasy
plumbing the unconscious
entertaining unusual thoughts
being outlandish and bizarre
feeling bewildered: losing direction and purpose
having trouble thinking clearly
becoming confused
being easily distracted
feeling disoriented
wandering aimlessly

The Moon - Aim to evoke a conscious desire to go further than intelligence - the understanding of that which is and decide to make a "leap" into pure and simply creativity. Intuition of faith - participation in the becoming of what is to be. Bring inner ecstasy back into your consciousness. Allow your intuitive powers to guide you - the change has come, even though it does not show. Make notes of your dreams and intuitive feelings - be more independent now and trust your own feelings. Build your own security - clear the air and let others know where you stand. Without faith you can easily succumb to failure because there is nothing to support your goals and ideals in life. Spontaneous knowledge is the marriage of your intelligence and your wisdom, united by "grace" - the knowledge of God. It is the vow of "poverty" made by your intelligence to reduce itself to silence in order to listen - it is your vow of "love".

Your unconscious, instead of shocking your intelligence - allies itself with it. In the beginning, your unconscious and your intelligence have so little in common that communication is entirely through "dreams" - the state of consciousness where intelligence remains passive. This communication is extended to the waking state and finally, no longer unconscious - your intelligence and wisdom unite in the conscious state of "intuition". Organization and sleep are the keys. During sleep - waste is eliminated and your hopes and wishes are built.

There is great activity and intense emotion now - your subconscious is actively creating sensitivity - be alert to any possible deception. Never use your powers negatively - go deep within and seek peace. Your dream landscape is formed by your emotions - use this unconscious state for your conscious purpose - it is an efficient, natural therapy in which your physical body-building takes place. Here you work out your own destiny, by exploring probable actions - which become false when not actualized. Move through the distortions and fears into the light of truth. Be changeable, allow yourself to "flow" with the different phases of life.

Your "conscience" is the direct communication between your intelligence and higher wisdom. Conscience manifests as a "warning" - expressing disapproval of an action before it is executed and remorse for an action already committed. Conscience also manifests itself as an "impulse" - recommending an action before it is executed and producing serene joy after execution. Conscience is the door to an "inner" world far more profound than the world you perceive with your senses - it is the decision of your intelligence to become a servant of your conscience.

Complete "silence" of your intelligence, imagination and will can not be accomplished by your human will - it is accomplished only through Divine presence. It is the mutual love between the soul and God. "Knowing better" is the state of consciousness which is present once you have reviewed all your total efforts and the results obtained from those efforts. Recognize now that you are only playing around on the surface of things - behind the surface is a tremendous organization that is very much alive and "active" and you are allowed to participate in your dreams and meditations. What you wish to be is your responsibility - an artist must concentrate. You must decide what it is you want to be and then your meditation will help you discover what is and what is not true about yourself, for it puts you in touch with your Innermost Self - which is your guide. Your imagination - once accepted, enriches your life and allows a calming peace to emerge. Look deeply into yourself - your imagination can distort - it is a reflection of your "inner" experience into the outer world. Remember your dreams and you will KNOW your past which will assist you in understanding your present. Once you have mastered something, you no longer "think" about it, you just respond automatically. Is something from the past - something you have forgotten - still effecting your current situation and causing you to respond with actions that are inappropriate?

You can not explain "art" by examining the material used to create it. You will soon learn to laugh again - because the difference between your limited "ego" self and your "true" Self is so ridiculous. Once you have traveled the path and obtained wisdom and understanding - you will know precisely what to do with yourself and you will proceed to do it. If you are brave enough to hang on to your dream for yourself - it will manifest as your subconscious makes the necessary physical changes during your "sleep" state - while your waking mind is out of the way. Become neutral - flow with what pulls you - give your inner, secret goal some attention every single day and your mind will respond as you continue to repeat your desires for happiness and joy.

Grown up emotions, capable of intelligent love and compassion as the self begins to merge with the other. Passions that are intricately and harmoniously woven into the overall fabric of the lifestyle and life's purpose. Floodgates to work in concert with the ebb and flow of the Moon's attractiveness. Your mature emotions help equip you for the journey of your expanded sense of Self, the Self that has begun to feel as one with its environment and nature, the Self that will feel the larger joys and larger pains brought to it by its larger heart. This can indicate a sense of emotional mission. A dedicated humanitarian. Altruism. The Moon is the cool, silver, reflective mirror of the Sun. It gives us the ability to see ourselves and our effect on the selves of others. Here are the inner goals to match the outer goals shown by the Star. The person who has deep compassion is not going to be bothered whether he tells a lie or the truth. All Buddhist have lied - they have to because they are so compassionate. The whole truth will be too much.

Questions to Answer: What do your fears represent to you? What have you forgotten? What do you instinctively want to do? What kind of cycle or pattern are you repeating? Are your actions appropriate to this particular situation or are you responding to some past situation? What is bewildering or confusing you? What is real and what is illusion?

My Solar Return Birthday Reading: 12 Card Spread

2007-03-27T23:04:00.000-07:00

This Reading took place on my Solar Return, March 12. It is the Horoscope Spread, using the 12 Houses of the Birth Chart to outline what's happening. I won't give a breakdown of the 12 houses (for your interest you can find this under a search engine, under the 12 houses of astrology).
it's a Spread you may find useful yourself. This is a map so I can outline how the next 12 months may be and what challenges, themes and symbols may present themselves, and, so I can look back and see my progress.

March 12 2007 - March 12 2008

Card 1: First House: 6 Wands
Six is a number of balance, peace and harmony which bodes well. Wands are fire, energy, initiation, action. So this would signify balance action. The guy sits upright on his horse, alert, watchful. There may be movement, there's certainly success (laurel wreath). Completion. Conquest. He's a warrior (helmet) and bears no scars that we can tell. maybe he claimed (or restored) peace? There's satisfaction here. In the First House it shows a strong constitution. Resolve to succeed and keep on progressing. Willingness to do battle. Standing strong. Letting myself be carried yet being firm in my resolve. Celebrating success. Realizing there is only so much success in any battle, because battles create division and one side must lose. Is that win-win? Personal success guaranteed, and hopefully personal fulfillment will be considered part of that success.

triumphing: having your day in the sun
being vindicated
walking away with the prize
prevailing against all comers
coming out on top
achieving success
receiving acclaim: being acknowledged
getting a pat on the back
receiving an award or citation
getting praise or a compliment
earning applause
achieving recognition
feeling pride: enjoying healthy self-esteem
strutting your stuff
holding your head up high
feeling worthy of notice
having a high opinion of yourself
putting yourself above others
being arrogant
condescending
feeling self-important

Six of Wands - Victory - have faith, good news is coming and you can win all that you hold dear. You are going to succeed if you will just keep trying. Trust yourself - be confident that you have been given the abilities and opportunities to realize your goals and dreams. Relax and concentrate on the task at hand - you will succeed. Your relationships will get better and you will know victory of the will over the physical world - the ability to change destiny and thoughts.

Success comes from working with others to achieve a goal. You will experience the settlement of difficulties and disputes - you have the ability to persuade, influence and counsel and from your struggle to develop your ideas there will emerge a dominant theme and a leader. Trust your instincts and intuitions - not everyone or everything is trustworthy. Approach everything in a state of open trust. You will "feel" when something is not right - trust that.

A leader can accomplish nothing without the support and backing of followers - relationships must be reciprocal if they are to succeed. You gain your self-confidence and pride from creatively solving a problem and when your work is recognized, you feel elevated above those around you. Never allow this "pride" to get in the way of your success - it will upset and delay goals and cause you to forget where you came from and those who helped you get where you are. Recognize this opposition - know that you have the wisdom to overcome it. In making your choices, consider whether you act out of love, which takes you to freedom through understanding or out of fear which takes you to guilt and bondage. When you have skills or influence that can assist others, you have a responsibility to be of service to them, using your abilities to bring victory to all concerned.

Shift your emphasis from your problems to your joys - from defensiveness to optimism - become unified with the spirit. Trust your love, your light, your beauty and your richness. Assume victory and your optimism will produce the very success it desires and expects. It requires only a true belief in yourself to find the energy to accomplish what you want and such a belief will inspire others to follow you. Believe in life and give that gift to those around you. Live and let live and everything will work out for the best.

Here are spiritual movement and externalization. A sense of mission. As with the other Sixes there is a noticeable shift of emphasis from the self as a very independent self, albeit on the spiritual path, to a sense of self that fundamentally includes others, and is included by others. Your individual path recognizes its parallel group path. Two-way communication is vital, as you balance spiritual give and take. Helen Keller, blind and deaf from the age of two, by overcoming her disabilities, was able to convey to us how truly alone we are when we cannot share our thoughts or feelings. Your ability to share is intrinsic to your knowledge of God. Ironically, you can come to know God more quickly, with a sense of the other, through the other, than through the self. The information you need for your path will come more quickly now as you have access to the additional sources of others with which you have joined. Evidence of progress is seen in the appreciation by others, and the effects of your good example and reaching. Further evidence is offered by: Spiritual recognition. Moral victories. Promotions. Rewards. Credit for something done right. There is a need to pause for recognition and to accept energy from others, or to offer recognition and energy to others. Goals and progress are validated.

Questions to Answer: What positions of leadership and responsibility have you taken on? What is your relationship with your fellow workers? What has been resolved through your actions? What do you feel confident about? What kind of leadership do others need from you?

March 27: Ten of Pentacles

2007-03-27T22:59:00.000-07:00

The Wealth Card.

Funny, since I've been focusing and manifesting a lot more abundance in my life. Money. Business. Goods. Nice things. Comfort. Enjoyment. All the things of the earthy Pentacles Suit. Or Coins as they are also known.

The Ten of pentacles was the card J and I drew as a map to show where we'd be moving and how it would all wind up, as far as living conditions go. We saw it as a secure place, the two of us together.

Tonight I drew it after an interesting day or twists and turns and here we go - a reminder of the long run of the path. Are we walled up together, or secure in our own individualities, yet part of a 'together' thing. As a free spirit I often wonder why I'm in a relationship but I remember that limits create freedom, and a relationship is a backdrop, a mirror in which we see ourselves.

What Card Are You?

2006-12-08T02:15:00.000-08:00

You are The Magician

Skill, wisdom, adaptation. Craft, cunning, depending on dignity.

Eleoquent and charismatic both verbally and in writing,
you are clever, witty, inventive and persuasive.

The Magician is the male power of creation, creation by willpower and desire. In that ancient sense, it is the ability to make things so just by speaking them aloud. Reflecting this is the fact that the Magician is represented by Mercury. He represents the gift of tongues, a smooth talker, a salesman. Also clever with the slight of hand and a medicine man - either a real doctor or someone trying to sell you snake oil.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Dec 7: New Deck Arrived

2006-12-07T16:45:00.000-08:00

I am so happy with my new deck - beautiful images and colors that I know will help me dive even deeper into the Tarot. I'm excited to use these cards now, and will continue to use these images on specific questions.

I asked about my current home situation and why I have consistently had to battle unreasonable noise, disturbances and distractions around my home space by people being disrespectful.

Why is this happening? 6 of Swords reversed.

What am I meant to learn from this? 4 of Pentacles.

The 6 of swords is passage, but reversed I think it's a passage back to retracing old steps and conflicts with the family chain, that I had to relive to relieve. A true cleansing and a 'you can'ty go home again but you can certainly clean up what happened there, in your present' situation.

I learn the 4 of Pentacles message of ownership, of holding onto what is rightfully mine (respect, peace, quiet etc). And of enforcing power, boundaries and control of my physical space. The 4 of pentacles is like the 4 walls of the home. Strong. Secure. Security found in dealing with these issues reinforces my concept of self-worth self-satisfaction and self-love.

More soon, with the new deck!

Dec 7 : New Deck Arriving

2006-12-07T01:45:00.000-08:00

I was recently drawn to the Morgan-Freer Deck and I will be continuing my Journey using this Deck and will get back on track of using the deck to further my understanding of my Path.

Nov 17: Knight of Wands

2006-11-17T08:37:00.000-08:00

I was up very early this morning for a long day. Talk about action and energy and power. Mars just moved into my First House and it coincides with pulling this card. Look at the firepower.

There's a strong Leo vibe to this card I think (the sign of leo seems to be in the lower corner reversed). Getting Things Done I think is the theme of this card. Forging ahead and being brave, confident and intent on making things happen.

We'll see how this plays out today, it's only 8.32 at the time of writing the morning, and I have been up since around 6am.

Nov 15: Star (reversed)

2006-11-15T07:42:00.000-08:00

I decided to move back to my Thoth deck today, the artwork was calling me and I felt a need for more psychological depth that sometimes I don't reach with the Rider-Waite.

The Star card fell today, which I very excited to see - I feel a kinship with this card (11th house north node = aquarius house, Pluto in 11th house, Mars in Aquarius and Uranus Rising). This is the Aquarius card, spiritual renewal and of course work on the planet.

As the card is reversed, I think it's a reminder to tap back into my 'cosmic consciousness' as I have been dealing with rather mundane issues this past week. Funny, i have been strongly drawn towards the color purple recently and this card is so imbued with this - the color of the Third Eye chakra and spiritual majesty. I think it's a chance to empty myself and refill my spiritual cups (to continue focusing on my spiritual mission on the planet as well as my personal needs).

I always am reminded through this card that I am connected, that all is at peace and that balance is all I need strive for. All needs are taken care of. I feel today will be a restful and recuperative day.

Nov 8: Rebirth Day: Seven of Swords

2006-11-08T04:08:00.000-08:00

I woke up 10 minutes before the Sun moved from my 12th House into the First House of my Chart, signalling my Rebirth Day and a new cycle. I think I must have sensed, it I couldn't sleep and I needed to be up and about.

So I came to draw a card to show the energies of this new beginning and my focus and expression and it was the Seven of Swords.

Another sword (mental) card I see this cycle as asking me to focus on direction (the man looks behind him) and to remember where I have come, which thoughts have already taken root (planted swords) and to take my ideas and continue running with them.

Interp for this card:
Stabilize your mind. Your belief system is your natural grounding - your mental foundation from which you can take great leaps of consciousness, then return to regroup and renew. You have wit and cunning, the ability to create plans and strategies. When the odds seem to be against you - you seek a way to disarm the enemy. You have the ability to take the potential "sting" out of any situation by forethought and preparation - using your ability to take care of details.

Do something daring that proves your bravery, skill, speed and cunning. If it looks like things may not work out the way you have planned them - have an alternate way to go. Apply your mental energy to every task and prepare your ground for later action. You are perfecting your wisdom, gaining maturity as you learn to control your power, emotions and intuition. If you find yourself unable to get anyone's help - ask yourself if you are perhaps "hiding" your true plans and intentions? Seek "inner" guidance and the solutions will be presented.

You have begun to include others as extensions of the self. Here the higher physical aspect of mind, its dedication and application in the hard realities of the world, but with the goal of proving to itself the existence of God in everything, to rationalize faith through the actual experience of divinity in the physical world. This is a time for mental harvesting, for analysis/measuring of progress in preparation for the next round of thought, decision and action. A bit of a perfectionist. Here is the informed, the qualified, the certified, the approved, the accepted. Education, particularly advanced education, schooling with a definite purpose. Investigation and research. Observation/recording. Calculation. Measuring. Comparison. Speaking out, advancing your opinions. Physically carrying out mental projects. materializing ideas into mechanics. Moving information. News, Communication, publishing, writing, editing, computers, storage of information.

Nov 3: TWO CARD DRAW: The Moon & Death

2006-11-03T15:36:00.000-08:00

I've decided to begin a two-card process now, so see how the images connect with each other on a daily basis. I drew a loose proposal based on PHYSICAL and SPIRITUAL/INTELLECTUAL manifestations. The first card is more the mundane read, the second could be anyting that drives or underlies this (emotionally, psychologically etc). I won't be tied to this the cards are mirrors into the unconscious and should be read as such without firm and fast rules.

THE MOON
Again - how many times have I pulled this card? The Pisces card. And days before a full Moon in Taurus. I'm still on a lunar cycle, and in a Pisces phase (planets passing through my 12th house hammering home the issue if letting it go, mediation and dissolving ego boundaries. What a ride).

My dreams were strong this morning - I was with old friends, an ex and they all left to go to another country and I wasn't chosen to go. When I finally did get to go (was it Thailand?) it was to teach English to kids but it was in reality a training ground (combat - how appropriate Mars is in my 12th house now). And a girl got to fight against a holographic dragon and won, but sadly the dragon was gone for good. (Inner demons, dragons and slaying them?).

I thought about a dream journal and maybe this blog will become that in time as I notate what I remember. I think the Moon card is still representing my 12th house journey where all is symbolic and my unconscious is lining up with my conscious ( I always seem to choose it right side up which makes my unconscious more CONSCIOUS so I'm happy to see that).

The path ahead is unknown of course and I have my inner stirring to motivate me. I'll keep a note of the Moon cycle ahead and write about the taurus full moon soon. Which leads me to:

DEATH. The Scorpio card. We're in Scorpio now of course with three planets in Scorpio (Sun, venus, mars) and in my 12th House (pisces house, to relate to the moon card). SO it's a strong draw on my natal self. Death spirutually and psychologically here would represent the clearing out of the old, to make way for a new cycle (when I enter the first house). Death of the ego perhaps again. More release, purging. Minutes before I wrote this I noticed tat, our Aries cat eating a plant on the window and then throwing up again. Symbolic.

Putting the two together - a journey into the dark night of the soul. Perhaps i should carry on writing my horror screenplay. And use symbolic parts of myself. Death will be the releasing of fears as it always is, in horror movies. Taboos.

I love this card, its strong image and resonation with my Scorpio Ascendant. Coupled with the Moon card it's lonely yet it's stuff I am made of. I need to cut away from my life all that chains me to illusion, since that is where my pain comes from. It always does, but it's easy to forget this.
Physically, unconscious motivations are paramount, and the best way to aid this process is to clear space - which is what I had planned for today. SO on the simple level - to avoid confusion, clear up. Outside first and then inside, it's the same process.

Nov 1: Advice: Four of Swords

2006-11-01T21:05:00.000-08:00

What should I do now, to be on path and balance inside myself?

A perfect fit for how i feel, really. Swords - my conflicts are mainly mental but so are the resolutions. It all begins and ends in the mind.

Laying conflict to rest - a 4, the number of rest, contentment, foundations and stability. Swords - states of mind.

I need to chill out.

This is the rest card, and I have been thinking I need to pull back from all activity and go within. I even have thought about going back to my past life expressions of being in a monastary. How fitting with this picture of a man in a sort of tomb like place, a religious energy and a spiritual retreat of sorts.

I think conflict will always be with me (lying on the sword and the ones above forcing me down or at least facing down on me) but in the fact of conflict this figure remains serene. I learned a while back that the fingers in that position is for recharing your body. This is what I need now. Mediation, mental retreat or at least re-evaluation. I need to learn to harness my mind and know that conflict isn't a problem at ALL and that in the fact of it all what my mind does is more important,
In the race to find and be balanced I have forgotten that instability gives rise to the creative dyanamic energy that is my greatest strength.

The card is known as TRUCE. Funny, since I just came out of a period of intense conflict on the relationship front, again as inner demons create outside problems. The truce-making process is a four fold process that's experienced on all four levels of consciousness, mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical (the four swords). Truce is an opportunity to move through conflictual issues. In order for conflict resolution to be successful, there are four peaceful principles that come from native tradition which is referred to as the four-fold way. In order for truce to be truly experienced, one must show up, pay attention, tell the truth, and not be attached to the outcome. The results of this is renewal and regeneration.

Each card I am realizing is an opportunity - here, there is the opportunity for the restoration of peace, by calling a truce on all levels of my being, beginning in my mind. An opportunity to rest, recuperate, to begin meditation again and continue on a more balanced mental approach to everything, and to feel no hurry or pressure.

Questions to Answer: From what do you need to rest or retreat?

My usual high level of mental energy and sexual energy. Computer time should be limited again since I am finding too much time spent here.

Where do you need to focus your energies in order to recuperate your strength?

Meditation, reading, resting, more nature time (need to map out local park and hiking trails).

What can you do to gain a better perspective and be fair and just in this situation?

Back off, time out, switch off, perhaps write more lists to follow.

What kind of professional assistance would help most?
Therapy? lol. Actually I realize time outs help a lot. To "love it all, even the parts that you don't love". Wise words.

Nov 1: All Saints Day: Knight of Wands (reversed)

2006-11-01T03:52:00.000-08:00

Energy, will and action - all being directed - where?

Reversed this card seems to reflect my feeling an abundance of creative and sexual energy but not knowing ho w to channel it all. I am going to hit the gym tonight and go tanning too (fire, heat, wands!). I think anger aggression and passion are here but without a direction. It seems to follow with the Chariot reversed.

Questions to Answer: How are you growing and developing?

I'm learning a lot about the application of will, and focusing energy. Still tough but I am seeing it drives everything I do and all frustration stems from misplaced focus/passion/energy/desire.

How are you taking risks?

I'm not. And herein lies my current challenge. I am sure this is to become a major theme (jupiter is conj my ascendant right now)

Who is radiating creative or sexual energy in your life?

I'm radiating it, but not letting it fully be expressed. I am going to work on this more - a book The Multiorgasmic male is a book i was told about last night, about rechanneling sexual energy into creative work.

Who enthusiastically wants to get going on something?

I do but my partner is also giving a lot of creative energy right now. So we both represent this card - and the challenges of trying to apply creative energy in a direction towards our goas and purpose and passions instead of just running in circles.

Oct 27: The Chariot (reversed)

2006-10-27T10:12:00.000-07:00

I never really understood this card until after the days events. When things get out of control and you're off the tracks, and things begin pulling in different directions and become too 'black or white' (like the sphinx), we have a tendency to push ahead to correct the imbalance thereby driving us further down the road that's off track for our wellbeing.

The Chariot isn't destructive when reversed I don't think so much as showing that there's force being applied and progress being sought after or achieved but in the wrong doseage, or applied at the wrong time or in the wrong manner. A sledgehammer for a tiny nail.

Grabbing the reins may only come after losingall control. This is the vehicle (Chariot) thats either broken down, running low on gas, or heading uphill, in the wrong direction or just at a standstill.
Is progress made when we sit still? Does movement mean progress? Is doing nothing, doing enough?

Worthy questions with this card. Direction is everything now - without it we're spinning wheels and burning rubber and wasting gas

Oct 26: The Star

2006-10-26T11:51:00.000-07:00

Today was a perfect representation as far as I could see of the uses of the STAR energy. As the figure pours water on the land (body) and spirit (water) I too ended up focusing more time and energy in different directions. I finally mailed out my acting headshots and resumes, time specifically dedicated to this, since I have focusing solely on Astrology. I like having these two paths for balance. And also letting my body rest and my mind along with it (Earlier nights).

The STAR is hope, renewal, healing and I'm already feeling a lot better today. The STAR - how perfect for a time of mailing out headshots to casting agents, directors and so forth here in Los Angeles, the city where Stars are imprinted on the sidewalks on Hollywood Blvd down the road.

Oct 25 : The Moon

2006-10-25T17:02:00.000-07:00

Wow, here we are again. The MOON card. I'm still under the influence of the Moon, the New Moon phase and my unconscious. Am I walking round in a dream world right now?

I ended up with a little head cold and feeling slightly under the weather today so had an early night and rested up again.

Oct 24: Ace of Wands (reversed)

2006-10-24T08:18:00.000-07:00

The Ace is always the birth of something, and the Wands are about inspiration and intuition, intiative and energy.

Since the card is reversed it suggests being close to a breakthrough and new start, but the birth isn't ready or the soil isn't quite fertile yet.

I wonder what the 'thumbs down' could be related to? Still there is much growth and energy here, just not fully acknowledged or realized.

I am up early today, and resuming my tarot journal after a departure. I seem to move in cycles with this but I am trying to remain constant.

Questions to Answer: Are you really trying or is there too much activity in your life?

Funny, at the tail end of the day, I was scheduled to do the radio segment but was too tired. After months of on off on off and them forgetting I don't have so much faith in their structure. So I ended up going to bed because I was burned out and tired from staying up late to often be forgotten about. After receiving an email I finally had to deal with this issue.

What is inspiring you?

Enjoying reconnecting with my partner and sharing experiences.

What has aroused your passions and desires?

Shared time always brings new options, ideas back into my frame of reference.

How do you want to grow?

I want to grow now through continued studied and application of my knowledge.

How do you want to express yourself creatively?

More artwork and filmwork.

I went to bed early - and consider the Ace of Wands a marker of ACTION ENERGY, applied more to inner development. I was tired so chose to relax than seek satisfaction in the outer world (Sun currently transits my 12th house).

Oct 24: Seven of Swords (reversed)

2006-10-23T18:03:00.000-07:00

The Seven of Swords card came up once before this, and it was right at the tail end of a difficult time. Again, it points to a passage, a rites of passage and the moving to a new place. Swords are mental energies and again a new perspective can be gained, by space, quiet and open communication both within and without.

The card is reversed showing I haven't yet reached a new shore, but the decision to move forward has been reached. yesterday under the Moon card my partner and I ended up having a face-to-face about everything we are currently working through. Tears were shed, and new perspectives found. We have new ideas to implement - ideally, new ways to re-energize the connection that we know exists, but which needs to be honored, in a world of battling outside forces, dealing with disturbances and crafting a path through a forest of thick thorns.

Reversed, the swords keep the holes in the boat plugged - our mental defenses are often there for a reason, so we can't change our minds and our perceptions that easily, we can only take on new ideas and replace rotten thoughts and with new perspectives, fresh ones that seem something we can grab, whilst letting go of the previous swords (thoughts)., Truly, our thoughts bind us.

The passageway has begun, and it now involves finding a new way to steer ahead. Things are already amazing, in that clarity has been reached by sharing ideas on where things are at on both of our sides. Still a team - the woman, child and man on the boat are all in this together and facing the same direction - forward. Reversed, by looking at troubled water, we can move through it and come out, under the bridge.

Questions to Answer: What immediate problems are you attempting to solve? Where will you go to solve them? Where in your life right now is mental clarity important? How are you liberating your mind from clutter and false ideas so that you can think clearly? When you step back from your problem to gain a clear perspective, what do you see?

What immediate problems are you attempting to solve?

How to commit to celebrating our union and finding something to aim towards together instead of being pulled in different directions by outside demands.

Where will you go to solve them? Sharing ideas, seeing what feels right and can work. And by going within - to see what is needed.

Where in your life right now is mental clarity important?

Understanding and acknowleding needs and where our beliefs and ideas are out of synch with the reality of the situation.

When you step back from your problem to gain a clear perspective, what do you see?

That everything is as it should be and that lack of communication, even if it means repeating conversations that I think should have been resolved by now, always leads to further self-indulgent and unhelpful mental patterns that inevitably leads to behavior patterns that separate rather than unite us.

I also see that things aren't as heavy or serious as I thought and that really it's all about having fun together, and not getting stuck on having to battle so hard to enjoy life, ourselves and each other.

Oct 23: The Moon

2006-10-22T08:46:00.000-07:00

For the second day in a row, the MOON card comes up as my card of the day and so warrants further attention.

I spent the better part of yesterday catching up on sleep, and at a low emotional ebb, which could be seen as depression or the tail end of the waning lunar cycle to make way for the New Moon which opened up around 9pm last night.

Today must be a carry on - the Moon shows us what we carry from our Dream World and our unconscious. With so much emotional energy now which I am steeped within (the Moon is the Pisces card of the deck, my own sun sign) it is hard not to feel a little lost and confused.

A journey must be made through uncertainty.

Questions to Answer: What do your fears represent to you? What have you forgotten? What do you instinctively want to do? What kind of cycle or pattern are you repeating? Are your actions appropriate to this particular situation or are you responding to some past situation? What is bewildering or confusing you? What is real and what is illusion?

My fears now are of giving and not receiving what I feel is fair within a relationship (how approproriate under a Libra New Moon).

What have I forgotten - how much it hurts to feel overlooked and left out, and giving Love and not receiving it. Old relationship wounds (my natal Venus is conjunct Chiron).

What do I instinctively want to do: run away or withdraw (Pisces escapism, another Moon energy) or cry.

What kind of cycle or pattern am I repeating? Relationship over-expectations, physical stress, emotional withdrawel and feeling I am settling for something less than I deserve. Not being honest about my feelings which leads to self protection and withdrawal and over-sleeping. Feeling I am left to give emotionally and feed another and then feed myself, without receiving any emotional support back. Relationship imbalance - one person playing the 'unavailable' card and the other (myself in this case) wanting more connection.

Are my actions appropriate to this particular situation or am I responding to some past situation?

I'm respondng based on how I feel but yes these emotions are old and repetitive. Withdrawel is my only option at emotional disappointment. I feel to have to scream 'SEE ME" in a relationship, that I am already not being seen, or energy is not being invested in wanting to see me or understand or explore me. Indifference. This is old for me - a cycle I am sure was repeated over and over again in other lives, but I am yet unsure how to deal with this. I am responding to an emotional pattern, yes, based in the past, yes but I can only respond based on my feelings in the moment. So I am unsure how to move through that as of yet.

What is bewildering or confusing me? Why this has to repeat. Why I need to try hard or want something I am not receiving. How someone can want so little of me and be satisfied (seemingly). That someone wants to take so much and give little of the same back. Why I am manifesting this currently - that's the big one. I am worthy of an available person to share space with, and feeling empty, isolated and cut off from them is confusing to me. I am also bewildered by the fact I cannot change this but accept it.

What is real and what is illusion? Good question. I know my partner loves me, that is without question. Currently we are physically disconnected which for me always leads to emotional disconnection (Moon in 2nd house). His Moon lies in the 8th house which is the polar opposite house, of more emotional control (8th) as opposed to enjoyment (2nd). The two are tied to me but this is an illusion of course. I see love as a package - sexual, emotional, intellectual, spiritual. The first two aren't flowing right now, I guess because the two are connected for me. But I am available on these levels and 'now wanted' so I am left confused. The illusion of course is in not being loved, but I feel we need 'proof' of this on these 4 basic levels, or else we are skirting on the surface of life or a relationship with no desire to seek a deeper meaning of experience. With Scorpio Rising I only want a deep connection, without this I feel ungrounded.

However, I know I am a free spirit and that side plays into this - as he is manifesting that side for me. So it's like two cats around each other who know they exist but don't need a full interaction. He seems fine with it, I don't. it creates a deficit and I come off as worse - he is okay without these deeper connections, I am not. How is this fair or just, and more importantly how is this going to aid me on my own journey. I can only be the one to suffer through accepting or allowing this.

These are my thoughts this morning. The Moon card shows that this is all a Dream and that perhaps it's to cleanse out these old emotions. I am so good at being fully IN a relationship and fully OUT of one. I am not happy with being in one and having to be one foot in one foot out, seeking satisfaction elsewhere, when I am excited to explore deeper levels with the person I am with. FOr some reason, detachment and space exist once more (it's cyclic it seems) and I can only honor it.

Oct 21: New Moon in Libra: THE MOON

2006-10-21T13:02:00.000-07:00

What a fitting card, after almost a month of no entries.

The Moon card, on the day of the New Moon. A sign indeed to focus on new emotional energies, new leads, opportunities and doors. In Libra and touching my North Node, certainly a time of fresh adventures and allowing new energy in.

I feel this - from repeating old relationship energies, for starters. Old emotional circles. And the necessity of restoring natural balance (Libra). I'm also aware of the need to feed myself more, not only on the food level, but also emotional level with more comfort and through new Moon experiences - I am continuing my artwork and want to begin learning the guitar - since there's one hung up on the wall above where I sit, and I haven't learned to play. Also to tap into my Sagittarius side and spend more time outdoors - since moving to Los Angeles, I have allowed my partner's lack of desire to hike or spend time in the wilderness overcome my natural need for these things, so I am going to seek out a way to walk to the nearby hiking trails, and find a place to sit outside and read, or go for a nightly hike. That would be good for the soul (I mistyped 'soil' which seems a cosmic wink).

The Moon card was reflected today in the Chakra clearing I just performed. I actually ended up releasing a lot of emotional energy by crying, which came on unexpectedly. A great release. We're not at the New Moon until around 9pm tonight so this is a great stage of preparation, clearing out the old to make way for the new.

Today I was watching Buffy episodes which gives me great comfort, as I was stapling headshots to my resumes, to mail out under the New Moon, to casting agents etc. I actually checked into Sarah Michelle Geller's birth chart and wasn't surprised to see she was born weeks later than me - and shares the Aries south node of warrior energy. I'll write more on her chart in a future episode of the Astrology Blog. Stay tuned.

For now, I'm left to a very watery, emotional and sensitive Moon day, one where I'm reminded to nurture myself first and foremost with things that feed my soul. It's easy, especially within relationships, to lose track of oneself, in the race to merge and share with another. So today I respect and honor my relationships by working on and being with myself.

A bath, some reading, a spot of tanning (which is really helping me feel good) and some outside time today and a little work out should be a great way to regain my own sense of Balance, under this Libra New Moon.

You know, I sat and looked at the Moon card and had no idea what it meant to begin with. How amazing, since it was loaded with so much information. I'll add more if more comes up today as it's still early.

Sep 28: Jumper Card: Nine of Swords, Card of Day : 2 of Swords

2006-09-28T07:35:00.000-07:00

My Jumper Card was a loud one today - but it came as I was dwelling on matters of the past. Funny, in that the 9 of Swords is about mental cruelty to ourselves. Things that take us away from the present are mental thieves.

{Side Node I received the 7 of swords reversed the other day but forgot to post - a card relating to stealing and as I coin this phrase now, it seems to be echoed today).

Dwelling and repeating old energies and thoughts leads to lack of sleep (as seen in this card, which is funny in that I was woken at 5am by the neighbors upstairs again) but lead us to focus on pure 'negatives' as it were. SO the card as it jumped is a reminder to release myself from mental loops today.

My card of the day is the Two of Swords. A card relating to the Moon in Libra (it's in Sagittarius today but since we're in Libra time, it relates to mental harmony). It's called PEACE but often from not getting involved or making decisions. Weighing it all up. The swords become the Libra Scapes. So a day of quietening the mind it seems and thinking things through or even taking a respite frm reasoning, dissecting and overrationalizing.

Solar Eclipse at 29 Virgo: The Ten of Pentacles

2006-09-22T01:57:00.000-07:00

What does this Eclipse mean to me?

Wow, the third time this card has been drawn I believe. That's a lot for a short space of time.
This time, for the first time, it is reversed. Let's look into this further.

I do know Astrologically the Solar Eclipse lands in my 10th house - career path, public personal, professional developments, my legacy, my mission, my crowning achievements. I'm expecting more work to open up, and my work with the public to progress. Work on my book (Virgo is also editing) is going well.

The Ten is always a completion so is this something left incomplete and the theme is to continue finishing off physical (pentacles) projects?

I'll go back to re-read my entries on this card previously because I guess the energies haven't fully played out. Getting everything in order seems appropriate - the pentacles are arranged in the Tree of Life positions in the Kabbalah. A sort of unity exists in the material realm with this card. Since the Eclipse is in Virgo I think it reflects a solidifying force. This Eclipse, for me, will be of practical considerations and finishing up.

Sep 20: Overturned Card: Three of Wands

2006-09-20T15:50:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, when I shuffle a card with the intent on pulling one for my day, a theme to show what to bring in today, what I may manifest and a general feel for where i am on my path currently, a card will jump out or flip itself over in the deck. I used to ignore these but now I see them as valid. Just another way of moving the cards, unconsciously, so that the message is delivered.

As I sit and wonder about the Eclipse and about where I am now, one card did reversed itself and I just caught a glimpse of it as I continue to shuffle so this is to be my card of today.

The Three of Wands. A looking ahead. Supported by our idealism, courage and faith. Or perhaps our mind, body and spirit (the trinity of wands).
Wands are energy. 3 is creative. Creative energy that has yet to be directed. The man in the card watches his ships coming in (or leaving?). He remainds grounded (leaning on the wand) yet ready and prepared with allies on both sides.

I took out my pastels and began my first picture in what must be years and years and years now. Felt good. I also have my Halloween costume out, the one I never got to wear in Seattle, that I'll be painting soon enough. With Saturn in Leo, and returning in my own chart, I've begun to tap into this side of me again. Just having pieces of unfinished artwork around me, finding pieces of pastel the cats have snatched and thrown around the room (Tat had green feet this morning) has been fulfilling - now I can move from project to project, much as I do online, multitasking my workload, and balancing it out with something free-reign.

Creative energy directed outwards - that's how I see this card, and it seems to have manifested itself outside finally, so I can see it for what it is.

Early Morning: Sep 20: Ten of Wands

2006-09-20T02:23:00.000-07:00

The Ten of Wands is 'Oppression'.

Early in the morning as I draw this card I wonder if it shows a deep focus or commitment to a task or whether it shows I need a break from work! True I have been working hard, or perhaps I'm not seeing something?

This card reminds of the times I struggle as I walk back from the store carrying bags (since I seem to end up picking uo more than I bargained for when I left hands empty!).

If ten is a completion of sorts and wands are energy, I think it suggests reaching a peak and perhaps the need for a break, respite and rest. We'll see. It's early, I guess I need to take a look around me at the bigger picture, after a period of intense focus.

Sep 18: The Star (reversed)

2006-09-18T23:24:00.000-07:00

The Star came up today - a great card to see for an Astrologer such as myself of course. I haven't yet seen many of the stars here in Los Angeles. A hike up to Griffith Park (and the Observatory) was beautiful but I feel out of favor with the Arian man who took me there, by speaking my mind and being my true self. The Light of our true inner self can often blind and scare away those who cannot face their own Light. Truth hurts sometimes, but only by those who refuse to face it.

The Star card always reminds me of refreshment - there's water to quench the thirst of the land, yet it is renewed, and finds its way back to its source again (the river) just as our souls do, at the end of each incarnation.

Renewal - soul refreshment. The card connects to the Universal sign of Aquarius - Humanity. Unity. Individuality (we're all parts of the whole, just like the 7 smaller stars reflect the largest one, replicas yet distinct and different.

The 7 stars correlate to the Chakra points in our bodies - energy centres (chakra means wheel) that spin and connect our various physical, emotional, spiritual and intellectual selves. Unity again. With 8 points each representing the number of Power and Strength, we find something of substance within the spiritual and the ideal - following the stars can actually be one of the most practical things we can do.

But more than that - are we following our own internal 'star'? We were each born to fulfill a spiritual purpose. The Star card reminds us of this, shows us we are on track and to have Hope - without which we cannot anticipate great things.

Reversed, this card was reflected in the lack of complete health within my partner - the Star card I've noticed in the past, can relate to ill-health when reversed. A need for cleansing and renewing. Rest, replenishment - more fluids (it was a soup day today) were needed. And more so - water, represents soul. Sometimes we get off track too far into either emotional whirlpools, or we get inundated with practical and earthy decisions. With Capricorn rising, he is earthbound and I think this card reflected his need to pull back into his spiritual core by letting practical considerations slide for the time being.

For me, aspirations for the future are always in my mind. This card reversed reminded me that I'm still on track but to remain focused on my Vision, and on creating my future in the here and now. Balancing mind and spirit, body and emotions, is a tricky path - I tend to spend a lot of time in my head, at the computer.

An old friend called today, I think since I've been spending a lot of time on my own (happily) it may be a call to reconnect.

Sep 13: Ten of Pentacles

2006-09-15T18:15:00.000-07:00

Second time this card has come up in the space of a couple of weeks. The card of the zenith of the Pentacles suit. Concerned with material reality - money, work, security, health, body, all the things that are sense related in our physical world.
Interestingly enough, this day mapped out to be one in which everything physical related seemed to be a focus.
My partner and I went to see The Ellen Show at the NBC studios here, which turned into an epic ordeal that led to me sitting, unable to go to the bathroom for 4 hours because of the ridiculous unorganized set-up they have there.

The 10 is the most 'full' of all the numbers, and in the earth element of Pentacles, my body was so friggin full, that I actualy felt my left kidney and I ended up narrowly escaping peeing myself. Narrowly I said, but not quite avoiding it altogether.

Physical discomfort - who would have thought that this card could have any correlation - but when you're dealing with the 10 of the suit of earth it reaches a peak, or so I have learned. Pushing yourself to the edge, isn't anything worthy of a medal. I won't forgo my bodily needs because of shabby discipline and organization skills of people around me.

The 'group' element of this card of course would relate to audience participation. The wealth name dedicated to this does not represent the measily Latoya CD were all received for being in the audience (when the audience the day before all received video phones for themselves and a friend!). No - the wealth relates to interior wealth, as it always ultimately does.

I had a conversation on the way home with my partner, that really, when it boils down to it, I fel rich inside because rarely do I find things outside of myself, and outside of my connection to him, that satisfies me or leaves me with any lasting feelings of contentment.

This is the message here - riches are born inside, and can onyl be enjoyed outside when they are seen as fleeting and transitory. Like a great banquet, a gourmet meal. The meal will someday be gone, but the eater remains.

I'm just thankful I am blessed with such love - towards myself and shared with my partner. Looking back it's a comic day, and the 10 of swords, even in discomfort, can show the trials and glories of the Physical World.

Home Situation: 4 of Wands (reversed)

2006-09-12T13:33:00.000-07:00

I pulled a card for a current home issue - the upstairs neighbors who are waking us up here early mornings and during the day banging around, screaming and leading us to call the police for domestic violence disturbances.
Finally, on the day of the Full Moon Eclipse in Pisces (in my 4th house of Home) it reached its peak when we ended up banigng back at the noise and the guy came down. Confrontation ensues.
We end up calling the manager who them issued them with a 3 day grace period after which they will be evicted.

Score.

Enough is enough. I often find being too polite and accomodating (and expecting others to have respect and decency) is misguided.
This card represents those sacred 4 walls of the home, and the peaceful sanctity and sanctuary within (the wreaths held by the joyful figures). This card to me shows me and my partner looking up at the ceiling of the unit above, (notice the flowers).

Since the card was reversed did this suggest something coming down from above (like the visit from the insane and irate neighbor upstairs) but also the warning descending from the manager (the man 'above'). Reversed too it showed an end to feeling privacy invasion, and the card is called COMPLETION - and shows something finally being ended that should have been delath with a while back.

Currently, the grace period is over and it's been MUCH quieter. For once, we're living as anyone should. Amazing how you have to enforce normal politeness and manners and respect in people who I guess don't have the gift of being given that themselves, of who just don't care about anyone else but themselves.

The Four of Wands reminded me about the strength of boundaries - and the need to often reinforce them.

September 12: Page of Cups

2006-09-12T13:24:00.000-07:00

Pages are often messengers - bearers of news relating to the suit iself. Here, the cup symbolizes emotional or creative news, the birthing of something or something coming up into emotional awareness (the Pisces fish rising to the top of the cup).

It is a card of water (the suit of the element - the headdress, cup, colors and the ocean in the background).

Interestingly enough I began this day woken up with a large cup of Starbucks frappuccino, from my partner, a gift from the land of waking. A magnificent symbol and a simple one from my first moment of consciousness on this day.

I wonder if the books I ordered will arrive today, since this card if a fun, right brained, psychic and creative one. it reminds me of love songs and poetry, and jovial fun energy. I feel this card today is an offer of something, someone reaching out a hand and sharing feelings, asking me to offer mine up too, to share theirs and drink deeply from the cup of life.

Sept 9: Two of Swords

2006-09-09T09:08:00.000-07:00

The Two of Swords is traditionally known as PEACE. The crossed swords show a compromise, stalement, an impasse - sitting between two sides, two opinions, thoughts or ideas (or actions - since actions often proceed after the thought). The decision hasn't yet been manifested but what was started in the Ace of Swords (the birth of an idea) is not reaching a crossroads.

The woman sits blindfolded so this is an inner world card. With her back to the water (emotions) this strongly underlines the swords/mental/intellect energies of this card - but the sheer size of the body of water behind her suggests this is always at her back, and a large factor in her situation. The waxing Moon suggests something new is developing but hasn't yet reached its zenith.

***
Looking back, today brought a lot of symbols of this card to my door. Once quite literally when I encountered a couple arguing in the hallway - I asked if they lived above me (since I have been having trouble with a feuding couple upstairs) but they lived on the same floor.

I was chatting to my partner today about decisions - making clear ones, black and white ones, and the shades in between that often cause problems. After all - don't we truly know what we want and need, but we often trip ourselves up or tie ourselves in knots unnecessarily? Often we weigh things up too much so that we end up with nothing - no action, no firm conclusion, just a sort of ambigious drifting and vague sense of purpose or direction.

Today meandered, but that was okay. It's nice to take things as they come. Being in the centre of conflict again (I was as a child often which is where I learned my mediation skills) is the best place to be, although it in itself is not a peaceful place. You'd think being between two warring factions (the couple in the hallway today or the Mom and Dad fighting years ago) would be a peaceful place (after all, most Judges seem pretty content) but I don't think it is - the centre is often the place of most tension - after all, you see two sides, know both sides, understand both and yet which way do you turn?

You turn inward - to yourself. Then it's not about taking sides, but about focusing on what you want in any given moment.

This card reminded me today of the issue of CHOICES - and how not choosing is also a choice. After inaction and deliberation must come action and definite and decisive choices. That propels us forward once more and stagnation (mental mostly since this is swords) can be held at bay and growth continues.

Sep 8: Five of Swords (Reversed)

2006-09-08T09:24:00.000-07:00

This card relates to the mental state of questioning, feeling defeated, suspicious, sceptical. Is the guy the winner since he has all the swords or is he losing because he no longer has backup or support.

I think self-defeating mental thoughts is the major theme here - where do we shoot ourselves in the foot or repat old tapes that 'this won't work so why bother' etc.

***

Today was a very uplifting day - I think since the card was reversed it shows moving away from this behavior. I didn't feel necessarily at odds with myself. I worked out and had a very relaxing day. So I think often a card that seems bleak, when reversed, can suggest a moving away but being aware, of the energy of the card.

Sep 2: Jumper Card: Ten of Pentacles

2006-09-02T11:58:00.000-07:00

This card jumped out of the deck today as I shuffled them so I am taking this as a message of the day. I'll go into detail later on as the day unfolds. It looks on the onset like a card of gatherings, financial completion, work matters and a feeling of satisfaction from a job well done.

***
I was asked to write for a new column today, so financial and work news was high on the list after all. A day of hard work and the physical and financial payoff that follows.

Aug 31: Two card Draw: The Moon & The Wheel of Fortune

2006-08-31T01:14:00.000-07:00

For this evening, I drew the Moon card. A very unconscious card traditionally. However as an Astrology I see the connection immediately to the fact I spend a major part of the evening working on the home space (Moon = domestic matters in Astrology).

My partner and I (represented by the two animals) worked on the project to erect a desk and a new computer chair (the two structures in the background?). We finished by night after which he had an early night for work tomorrow and I continued to burn the midnight oil.

We did talk about unconscious motivations and childhood, things in our underworld so to speak. I think this card is a follow on from the 'quiet' of the 6 of swords. Feeling feelings. Allowing.

The card for the next step for me is the Wheel of Fortune.

Of course this was a welcome to see. A Change is upon me the card suggests, and the need and manifestation of Change. I am continuing to futher my work seeking new opportunities. As Jupiter, this card shows that expansion and in fact as I think about it, Jupiter is about to hit my Ascendant in a couple of week, the first house of my Astrology Chart indicative of a new 12-yr Jupiter Cycle!

I am seeking to expand and grow - and luck as they say is the combination of timing, opportunity and skill. When the three meet, 'luck' is born.

I intend to manifest this in the cycle ahead. I am out of some darkness and of course into a clearer space, as seen in the past few cards (and as felt within and without).

Change is good. New furniture placements, new job horizons. All in balance, yet change comes when we can risk failure. Expansion means to get off your ass and keep moving and growing.

I welcome this new cycle, this new change and this new turn of the wheel.

Final Note: I wanted to see where this CHANGE or new cycle was leading me and again it was emphasized by the next card which I drew from the deck right after: the card of a new beginning, a new cycle, the Zero of the deck, the Fool.

Aug 29: Six of Swords

2006-08-29T17:40:00.000-07:00

The Six of Swords I pulled today during a very peaceful moment, as my partner lays sleeping, and a day after our difficult weekend finally comes to an end. A moment of mental peace.
Immediately the card washed over me with calmness. That things are 'okay'. That letting things sit, often heals. Without seeing a face here, we cannot determine feelings. Only thoughts. The suit of Swords is just this - mental energies, our ideas, thoughts, communication.

Nothing is being said, but a journey is taking place on the inner planes - a mental journey from troubled water (seen in the card) to a more peaceful land.

Clearing the air doesn't solve anything, but it does clear a space to allow for detachment, a breather from the heavy intense world of human emotions.

A gentle process of moving from one mental state to another is the message of this card today I feel. The swords represents thoughts - we carry them with us on our boat, but we move them to a new place.

The man represents the active part of us that must make an effort in finding mental (swords) peace (6) or helping move us to places where we'll achieve that.
The woman represents the receptive side to ourselves which can literally "sit with our thoughts"

And the child represents the trio - that we need to remember to nurture our inner child - especially as conflicted thoughts often are karmic play-outs from childhood.

Today was the day of peace after a stormy weekend. And a welcome card to see.

Knight of Wands Reversed (Aug 27)

2006-08-27T22:29:00.000-07:00

For the late evening I'm kept company by the Knight of Wands - a guy who carries the fire energy on his suit, his helmet, leaving a trail of fire behind him. He moved forward, strong-willed with a mission, his growth seen in the wand growing leaves.

However, this evening he is reversed. He reflect, I realize, my own lack of openness with regards anger and aggression, after an argument with my partner this weekend. I have been practicing self-control which is a clear sign of this card reversed, but I don't think that's a less-healthy way to channel aggression. I just don't see the point in blasting it all out in the open at this point.

Going somewhere helped - i went on errands earlier which tapped into my Sag Moon again. I think reversed it's a 'running in circles' or 'nowhere to go' trapped (or contained) energy which I am feeling, since I haven't been anywhere this whole weekend until tonight

I do need more fun and enjoyment in my life (as Saturn conjoined Venus in leo it's been a tough weekend for enjoyment).

First card after a departure...

2006-08-26T22:50:00.000-07:00

Tonight I am pulling a new card to get back on track and continue this Journal.

I am using my first deck right now, the Rider-Waite I was given when I was 16, a birthday gift from my brother.

The card I pulled was The Ace of Pentacles which I overjoyed to see. As the initial card in the pentacle deck it deals with PHYSICALITY. A giant coin is held above an open door. New health, new work, new money, new grounding.

perfect - in that I just completed my 1.5 day fast. A new resolve is arriving and a new job offer (I've been contacting quite a few people) and today I started a new book.

manifestation - that is how I view this card. A new start, a new journal entry (and a fresh beginning here, along with a new start after I cleaned up my diet.

This is trhe start of a new road, I just have to walk through the door. A most promising launch to this new chapter of the Journal and my path.

Returning to the Journal

2006-08-02T04:30:00.000-07:00

I am preparing to return to the Journal with a renewed dedication.

Stay tuned for the next card and the next installment of the Journey!
Neil

July 10: FULL MOON - Nine of Swords

2006-07-10T16:48:00.000-07:00

The Nine of Swords is 'Cruelty'.

Swords cards represent the function of the mind, intellect - states of mind. The layouts, symbols and designs of the Sword cards suggest the energy of the mind.

Here 9 swords are pointed down aligned as one giant arrow or sword itself. They seem incriminating, ready to pierce (again? aftr all they are dripping with blood from previous attacks).

Nine cards are about wrapping up and endings and since I drew this card to suggest my Full Moon focus (Full Moons are about endings) this card seems to be a message to wrap up negative thought patterns.

There are tears in the background or it could be sweat. Excess mental strain causes fatigue and perspiring and ultimately pain and tears.

Our mind creates all of what we engage in on an emotional level - for it is here that we decipher and analyze and put our own meaning on things. our minds created the word 'fuck' and our minds now condemn it for being something we should neither say, nor print, or screen on TV.
How crazy.

The card is MARS in GEMINI - Mars is applied focus and Gemini is communication. Are we communicating to others and ourself with hatred, envy, negativity. is our mind causing self pain or pain to others?
Are we using our mind as a weapon? Are our using WORDS as SWORDS?

***

This Full Moon period will be an interesting one - and I'll keep adding to this journal entry below, to show the themes and patterns that transpire during this period and how they are reflected in the card.

I will endeavor at this time to relinquish old worn out ways of thinking and speaking and move away from inflicting pain on self or others through the use of my intellect and communication abilities.

July 4: The Fool

2006-07-05T10:19:00.000-07:00

June 26 was the last time I drew this card - and today appeard to be another day of deciding to MAKE changes but not necessarily implement them. Since this is the second drawing of the card I can see as the 'zero' of the deck it is all about potentials but not necessarily making the energy or step in the direction of change - just the openess of spirit and mind to allow it.

June 28: Princess of Swords

2006-06-28T23:09:00.000-07:00

The Princess of Swords is a favorite card of mine. I'm not sure where it was that I worked out she was a personal card (relating to Numerology) but she is the one who Cuts through Moods.
She is AIR which represents the mind and intellect and its processes and she is also touching the toadstool of material reality - she can think high concepts but never loses her footing.

New ideas are brewing here, and the clouds of confusion ever lurk around, and she is cutting through with her sword (another tarot symbol for AIR). Her wings are spread in the 4 directions showing she is balancing the elements and the green and yellow are material and mental colors.

I love how the card shows her as fearless. If this is an energy then it is focused clearly on mantaining a clear mind, wiping away mental cobwebs and staying true to who we are.

Mental scratched records need smashing. It's time to do a head-spring-clean.

***

Today I stayed up all through the night and day til lunchtime and then crashed and slept through - by choice. I needed to switch my head off so I think the cloud-cutting here was just unplugging from the computer and mental work - I tend to think a LOT. So it was a cleansing time. My card represented getting back to myself and a reminder to keep moods and negative thinking at bay. News (as the Princess relates to that) : Chicago radio wants me to be involved in their new podcasting - for two shows a month. Air is communication so NEW IDEAS is what I see this card representing here.

June 27: Princess of Wands

2006-06-27T16:29:00.000-07:00

The Princess of Wands - this is the second appearance of this card. Reversed she seems to be sliding down the stairs instead of ascending with the Tiger weighing her down.

There is still a carefree energy about her, but the fire is wreckless perhaps and energy is not so much directed into new ventures as it is cycling. A lot is left unfinished or perhaps never started because energy is not grounded enough.

June 26 - The Fool (reversed)

2006-06-26T18:53:00.000-07:00

The Fool card is the zero of the Tarot Deck - the energy before the first card. He represents New Beginnings but more than that, the Spirit behind form. He is energy, pure essence.

There are too numerous symbols to mention here but perhaps as the card reappears we can take a new one. The tiger biting him is a sign he does not know fear and nothing can hold him back. Energy like this is pure, simple, naive and wise.

Many Tarot decks show the fool about to step off a cliff, but not caring. He takes risks, without which there is no change in life and no gain.

***
Since the card is reversed for today I am unsure what to make of this. A new beginning that doesn't come to form? Wrapping things up? Preparing for a new cycle. I think the latter two make more sense to me at this stage. I'm not quite ready to experience the New Moon energy I feel a little behind in my business plan. However, today I worked out and got back on track with my body. Fear has little place in my life anymore, but the tiger is a reminder to me that I still allow things to bother me perhaps more than I should. Why? Because I care, and I am 100% real both with myself and others. Authentic. Honest. People know where they stand with me. I know where I stand with myself. How that can cause problems still beats me but I don't need all the answers.

The Fool Reversed is also a reminder to me to be spontaneous and fun. I had a fun day all in all, but a reminder I am moments away from a new beginning and I need to allow and embrace this.

June 25: The Devil

2006-06-26T18:47:00.000-07:00

The Devil is represented by Capricorn the Mountain Goat, and represents the things that 'bedevil' us. To live in reverse of nature is a 'sin' to our Higher Selves and our spirit and as Saturn is the ruler of Capricorn (representing limitation, separation and structure, the karma planet) Saturn was distorted to become Satan - the Devil himself. To live in reverse of course is evil - (live spelled backwards).

Saturn is seen in the ring at the top of the card (the ringed planet).

Pan was the lord of pleasure and he is seen in this card too - the Capricorn 'devil' is smiling - humor has a way of reconnecting us to our spirits once more. Are we trapped in something of our own doing? Are things getting too Capricorn/Saturn Serious??

Our man-made prisons are made obvious under this card - and the reminder to laugh things off.

***
Today I spent time hiking again with my Aries Sun Capricorn Moon friend. IN fact it was a very Capricorn themed day. My friend was a little down about relationship problems, being trapped in situations that aren't happy or healthy (and a little humor helped a lot today). My partner, Capricorn Rising, reminded me of the themes of time - and also I got into arguments relating to people not following up in time-frames they say they would.

Time is a prison to many in the physical realm.

Structure is great but when it comes stifling we need to break free (like the men in the caves at the bottom of the card). It was a high-sexual energy day - and of course this card represents a giant Phallus.

Seriousness is part of the Capricorn life but so also is humor. I think I hit a balance today.

June 23: The Ace of Cups

2006-06-23T15:03:00.000-07:00

The Ace of Cups is a card of a new beginning within the Suit - Cups, emotions, feelings, psychic energies and things of the heart.

Light bursts forth shooting out of the cup (or in) As the 'cup runneth over'. The top of the card as always represents spiritual energy, and here the cup is filled by inspiration. It pours everywhere - not solid harsh lines but soft curves (feminine force).

The web in the background represents to me being held in the vice grip of emotions - for good or bad. Emotions just ARE - its what value we place on them that determines wich we would rather experience, and which we seek out or run from.

***
Today isnt quite a new beginning but it IS the day before the New Moon. I had an intense night, with a conversation that became an argument through lack of an appreciation of emotions. Yes, those tricky things...I find most people can't be as honest with their own feelings as I can be with mine, which is part of life but its a difficult thing to swallow even now. This card I think represented just the TIDAL FORCE of emotions and the driving force of most high energy points in the day. I'll be interested to see what it means when it appears again in the future.

June 22: The Hierophant (Reversed)

2006-06-23T00:18:00.000-07:00

Looking back at the last time this card was drawn, it was interesting to see more parallels on the meaning.

My initial impression this time when I pulled it was that it was doing something wrong - not following the rules. That energy was blocked (taurus stubborn energy and refusal to move past obstacles or actually BECOMING the obstacle.

It was a slow moving energy, solid but not as fluid as it could be. Like hot, dry, cracked Earth (much lke it is these hot summer days in LA).

***
Today, it became evident much later on how the card ended up manifesting some similar themes as last time. I ended up in a rather lengthy conversation with my partner about schedules, structures and habits (Taurus!) that no longer serve us - and how we get settled into a status-quo. So breaking out and revealing these was the theme of the day. Heavy energy at times, but bulldozing through things that no longer work because they feel just that way - heavy, a drag and no longer enabling, more delaying, frustrating and weighing us down.

Breaking from convention, rules and structure isn't always a bad thing - even though this car may seem imposing, it is nothing more than Taurus established energy, when reversed, being chipped away much like the ocean wearing away the cliffface, to give way for something more solid and useful.

This is the 2nd appearance of the Hierophant Reversed.

June 21: Summer Solstice: The Moon (Reversed)

2006-06-21T14:30:00.000-07:00

The Moon is a mysterious card. Here we see two Egyptians protectors of a Gateway. Someone recently said this card evokes the 'As I walk in the valley of death' theme. The biorhythms at the bottom show the rise and fall of lunar tides in the human body and the ones affecting the planet as a whole.

Where does the path lead? How can we ever truly know. We only as far as the eye can see but the scarab beetle at the bottom of the card represents things unseen, dwelling in the unconscious.

The Moon in Astrology represents our unconscious, our habits, our past lives, things ingrained on our soul's journey that we may relate to as what we need but which often turn out to be Habit, pure and simple.

***

it's funny that with so much solar symbolism (since we land today at the Summer Solstice) I'd pull a card relating to the polar opposite - the Moon. The card reversed is a very nebulous card, represented by the sign of Pisces (my own sign). It's a card I see as relating to the more inverted Piscean side - addiction, drugs, alcohol, oversleeping, too much TV, escapism on a deep level - inspiration taken too far to become delusion. Lost in the tides and so forth.

Reversed cards are often hard to read - is it too much of the symbol (overkill) not enough (lack) an unconscious knowledge that isnt fully realized in our dawning awareness, or something we're truly not aware of?

I think today this card represented the old pattern of mine to stay up through the night. I did catch up with a very old friend (who has a Pisces Moon) and we talked for a long time. He's a musician. Symbolic of the more positive manifestion of this card. With his combined pisces Moon with my Pisces Sun, it was a reminder and a going 'home' to myself. The Moon in Astrology relates to the Home. I think it was a message to continue to pay attention to the Lunar Cycles in my own life. Perhaps I'll understand this card at a deeper level as I am sure it will reappear again ahead. I feel the card was a message of more to come. Unconscious energies always manifest themselves for me eventually because I have a keen interest and awareness born under the sign of the FIsh of what is going on under my conscious awareness.

June 20: Princess of Disks

2006-06-20T12:35:00.000-07:00

The Princess of Disks is a Messenger on the Physical Realm(all princesses in this deck bring INITIAL ideas and energies relating to the suit they depict).

So here, the Princess launches something in the DISK suit - physical reality, building blocks, money, health, the body, projects, work, something tangible and something with solid roots and the potential for growth and longevity.

She is pregnant showing the birthing of something in the material realm. Her spear shows the initiation of a project and the power in her hand to be a channel (the spear shoots off the top of the card (spiritual aspirations) and plunges to the bottom of the card (physical manifestation) ending in a crystal (clarity of purpose).

This initiation energy is underlined by the Aries rams horns she wears (aries as the first sign is the birth of something, the Ram or Lamb of Easter etc).

The thorny bushes show the security and safety of her projects and her birthing period, the fiery volcano at the back of her represents the initiation energy once more and that this journey has led to this moment, birthing a new life form - whatever that may be. The snake that she wears as a scarf/cloak shows the transformation - when something physical is born, something has to die and something is in a state of transformation.

She pears into the earth, which forms her cauldron, and she carries the Yin-Yang symbol of eternal balance and the dance of creation, part of life and its offspring. The mushroom liek mantel she stands next to shows that all that is created is for Practical Use. There's a very Capricorn Energy with this card too - earthy, practical, organized and grounded in reality.

***
Today was a very practical day - I had to organize work and prepare for a period of expansion - contacting new publications and radio, and above all putting together my business plan. So this card was merely the message that I am ready to birth, but not quite there yet. Making food, getting comfortable in my body and preparing were all issues of the day - I think the Princess merely reflected on this day, the desire to birth a new form of myself and to birth myself into a new phase and practical neccessities need to be arranged and organized in order to accomplish this successfully.

June 19: Five of Wands

2006-06-20T12:28:00.000-07:00

The Five of Wands is 'strife'.

This card relates to Saturn (limitations, tests) in Leo (creative, self-expression). Strife comes in many forms but this card suggests the need to control (or the ovecontrolling) ego-expression and the natural free-flowing open-heartedness of Leo energy.

The wands arranged in a cross formation with a 'lead' wand at the front reminds me of a prison bar, but the Solar Disc at the top reminds us the value of just shining - the Sun, as Astrological Ruler of Leo, is a reminder that we all need to just shine our light and not 'hide it under a bushel' as the saying goes.

This card promises concrete (Saturn) creativity( Leo) scheduled in playtime and like ana ctor honing his craft, much rewad after hard work.

***
Today was a very hot day, the flames of the fire energy within this card were evident in just the weather but I did feel a tad restricted inside, I think irritable, unable to continue with my creative work due to the heat and a feeling of inner frustration. It's interesting to notice these feelings over time and how they can arrive from nowhere and leave just as suddenly. I think this card was a reminder to me that I'm currently in my Saturn Return (in Leo).

June 18: Queen of Cups (Reversed)

2006-06-19T10:50:00.001-07:00

The Queen of Cups personifies the mystery and enchantment of Water, or the emotional realm.

She is hidden behind a veil and is hardly rcognizable - can you see her? She reminds us that what is important is truly not seen by the eyes but must be felt.

Her association with two water signs is noticeable - the crayfish (cancer) crawls out of the cup she holds making the symbol of neptune - the ruler of the Oceans (water again) and the signs Pisces the Fish.

She is the emotional connector to the heart - to music, to inspiration, to the soothing sounds of the soul.

***

Today was a relaxing day - a drifting one by some standards, I slept early and I spent the better part of the am listening to Tori Amos's piano music, singing and generally spending most time in Right Brain mode, which is synonmyous with the message of the Queen of Cups who is all feelings and nothing to do with logic. That night I ended up having very lucid dreams. Reversed, I think it was without purpose, you can drift with cause and reason (upright) or you can take the other Pisces Fish direction and float where the stream will take you (reversed)...or could this be the other way around? Maybe we'll find out if it appears again.

June 16: Four of Disks

2006-06-16T10:50:00.000-07:00

The Four of Disks is 'Power'.

Here we have the four disks transformed into the four towers of a castle - a sign of practical (disks) strength.

Disks are the material world and here the four is a sign of strength and power in this realm. 4 is a sign of practicality so this is a very earthy card - and represented in the astrological connection of the Sun in Capricorn.

Solid Foundations are essential for everything - even castles in the clouds, and this card is a reminder that for anything to last in the physical world, it has to obey physical laws. Roots. Walls.

***
Today, I was up early and it was no surprise to pull this card when I saw how much work i got done - organizing my site, picking up my Past Lives book to work on again, recording voice for my new lecture on Astrology, and laying a foundation for my projects. I was up at 4am and worked through til around middday. Later in the evening I got to spend time with Brian, my old Aries friend (who has a Capricorn Moon, the symbol of this card) and we ended being Capricorn Mountain Goats - hiking up at Griffith Park, and getting a little lost, but getting to see the entire city below at night. Amazing. Being back close to the Earth (symbol here) was needed and I felt very grounded sitting seeing the fat expanses of trees, greenery. Nature always, always soothes my soul and this trip out was a reminder of themost basic, healthy, necessary parts of my human life.

June 14: Seven of Wands (Reversed)

2006-06-14T10:46:00.001-07:00

The Seven of Wands is Valour.

The wands now frame a club - something we use as a weapon, and with Mars in Leo here, Mars energy is directed at Ego related things (Leo).

Are we defensive, or are we using our energy in creative ways?
Are we ego-defending or creating, in other words. One is a natural process, the other is a defensive life-crushing way of distributing vital forces.

***
Today, witht he card being reversed, it seemed natural I was actually feeling a little depleted - I worked on creative projects but I was very tired and went to bed early. Simple as that!

June 6: Nine of Cups (Reversed)

2006-05-31T12:37:00.000-07:00

The Nine of Cups is often referred to as the Wish Card. It relates to the end of one emotional state (9s are endings) in prep for another. It's a card of contentment, pleasure and enjoyment, on the emotional level.

Since this is my first visit back to the journal in a while this is a short entry.

***

I recall on this day, I was not as content as I could be but i did have a chance to release old emotions, which would be fitting for the 9 symbolism. Perhaps we'll come back to this one at a later date for more information.

I will vow to be more daily with this journal!

May 30: Six of Cups

2006-05-30T19:03:00.000-07:00

The Six of Cups is 'Pleasure'.

As 6 is the number of balance, peace and harmony and cups are emotions, this card reflects a deep emotional state of contentment and comfort. The copper cups are healing energy and the snakes within reflect the symbolism of this card which is the Sun in Scorpio - passionate depths, karmic attachments and pleasure (the name of the card).

The cards are arranged in a way that evokes the feeling of lightness, laughter, fun and that 'all is right in the world'. This card always makes me laugh, I don't know why, thats the feeling it evokes.

Traditionally it relates to memory, things from the past, childhood, so that would make a lot of sense in how this card is represented in layout, color and general 'vibe'.

***
The 'feel good factor' of the card came into play during the day but at two key points - hanging out with my Aries buddy (from the past) and talks of the past, to spending time with my Scorpio partner and talking about past relationships, days of youth and then a sense of peace and floating contentment that comes when you get into a depth conversation (scorpio depth) and then feel that everything is right and as it should be.

I think the main message of this card is that if you are willing to move through emotional loss and shifts (5 of cups the previous card in the deck) you can find Emtional Contentment = not exactly peace as it were really, but a space to feel at home inside of yourself.

May 29. Emperor (reversed)

2006-05-30T18:46:00.000-07:00

The Emperor is the sign of Aries.

This card is RED - the color of Aries, the Ram and we see Rams marking this symbol. The Emperor represents the masculine side of ourselves, the drive, ambition and courage. it is aggression, pure energy and force applied to everyday life.

The Emperor relates to executive positions, being a leader, and taking control. He is lord over his domain, and holds the symbol of power in his hands. His shield represents the 'lamb' side of Aries - the peaceful side to such a warrior-like sign.

Fire power - this sign is almost aflame. Intense heat, and force is felt here, by tempered by a grounded force. It is Energy Applied with Will. He sits in the position of the number 4 - which is the number of this card - structure and strength and purpose.

***

An interesting card when I see the events of the day - I ended up meeting a very old friend from 4 yrs ago it turns out (theres the 4) and he was an Aries! Funny stuff. As Venus was finishing its transit through Aries (and in my own natal chart it is within Aries) it was funny to meet up with an old 'fling' as it were - Venus is relationships. In my 5th House of fun it was very appropriate.

This card was mirrored in the HOT day (first one Ive felt in LA since i moved back here in January!). So the Fire power is reflected there. But mostly I see the reversed as a meeting from the past with an Aries man who turned my life upside down for a day. He drove me around the Hollywood sign and the Griffith park Observatory and it was nice to get out and about. it was a spontaneous day but I felt very grounded. Ha - what a symbol to get, it was a purely Arian day, carefree, and a reminder of my inner child which I had forgotten about a little - the peaceful lamb I was, coupled with a strong Aries ally.

Oh we even talked about OLD EMPERORS - lord of their world, kings of men as he is working on a book about history. The idea of overthrowing kings and what they do to remain on the throne. Here is that symbol too. I guess the theme of the day for me was the aries childlike simplicity and the idea of being lord over yourself. The true Arian message.

May 24: The Magus (Reversed)

2006-05-25T02:00:00.000-07:00

The Magus (also known as the Magician) relates to Mercury/Hermes and the function of Communication.

Here we have the winged shoes of Mercury, the messenger of the Gods - who was alway zipping here and there (notice the lines of commuication in the background). The Magus here commands his world and the tools of his trade are here: writing, speaking, thinking, sharing - these are his ways and means. What does he convey? Who knows. Is it truth? Who knows. Only himself I presume.

***
Since this card was reversed I wondered how communication would go today - and it wasn't tangled up or negative per se, but there was a look back to the past. The publisher interested in my work contacted me to say she wanted to know my progress (yet had forgotten I had sent her my proposal and samples a month ago...) I was in negotiations today which was a little difficult but the Writing aspect of this card was very evident. Reversed I think relates to the emails passed back and forth and the misunderstanding and the miscontruing and assumptions made that were inaccurate - therefore the Magus reversed may simply mean here - facts aren't correct, so double check to be sure.

I was pleased to see the appearance of this card now, since I relate to the role of Messenger, Writer and Communicator. I did have reservations on the way others communicated today (arrogance, conceit and rudeness) but these are lessons in my own journey as a communicator so I embrace them. Frame of mind is everything.

May 23: Two of Disks

2006-05-23T23:29:00.000-07:00

The Two of Disks is 'Change'.

Things are cyclic in life, and the snake eating its own tail is a sign of eternity. Maintaining a balance and equilibrium while allowing the ebb and flow in the material world is essential and the Yn Yang of this card along wit the elements in harmony, show that we need to keep an awareness of structure (disks) in order to grow (jupiter in capricorn).

***
Today was a calm day and I certainly felt the need for regain some measure of balance in my life. I am setting myself up for more material gain by working on some new business plans, weighing up options and seeing what needs to be changed. A simple reflection of todays card.

May 21: Evening: Three of Cups

2006-05-23T17:09:00.000-07:00

The Three of Cups is 'Abundance'.

I always see this as the party card - happiness, fun, three cups overflowing with joy - shared in good company (this is Mercury in Cancer, sharing emotional energy and a connect of the heart and mind with people we care about).

Let the Good Time roll! I see laughter and bubbling energy here, and growth through sharing of emotional energy as seen in the pomegranate cups.

***

I actually went out for drinks (cups) tonight first time in a while, it was karaoke and I met up with an old friend and even an ex (cancer rising, so the Merc in Cancer was represented here by a dialogue with them). It was nice to have a heart-to-heart with an old friend (cancer is the past). Drinks flowed, laughter and singing. A true signature of the Three of Cups it seems. But no, I only had two drinks - I actually knocked half of my second fuzzy navel over - Pisces really can't take their drink!

On an astrological note the Moon was in Pisces today - I woke up to quite a few quick succession synchronicities - from knowing the weather b4 i awoke, to eating chips with jeramie (who bought a packed just before I woke up and whom i ended up sharing with him (we rarely eat chips) and then a few others I am forgettign - ah yes, a dream about the word 'freeloader' then turning to the exact page in the ET 101 book that mentioned freeloaders.

Moon in Pisces is a psychic time - when I was out drinking with friends last night, I ended up coming home witha nice little buzz, and it was raining. Singing, Drinking, Raining. Such a Pisces Moon Night - and seen in the Three of Cups card which can even represent the weather.

great to see how these Tarot cards manifest in the physical dimension. If cups are feelings - the three of cups was a three-feeling - fun, joy, abundance, laughter and a great time.

May 19: Princess of Wands (Reversed)

2006-05-19T14:45:00.000-07:00

The Princess of Wands is the Free Spirit.

The card is littered with Aries references - the headset, the Rams, the fire and passion of adventure. She is naive but she doesn't care. This care represents the carefree nature of the childlike spirit, but also the courage to take a chance. She has no fear - the tiger is being dragged by the tail, she knows what fear is but it doesn't hold her back.

We can only reach out and experience new things if we are fearless and open. The Princess of Wands is this open spirit - the call to adventure (will we follow or will fear hold us back?)

***
Today i actually ended up ina conversation about just this - fear and how I try in my life now to life based on my feelings and not overanalyze. Since the card was reversed I guess the tiger of fear is paramount now and on top of the Princess - so this was a big thought on how to reverse the fear in life and break free.
I went out to visit an old friend and was out single and alone on the journey which was very representative of the Princess in the Wand suit. Carefree, fun-loving and open to experience.

May 18: The Ten of Disks

2006-05-18T15:18:00.000-07:00

The Ten of Disks is 'Wealth'.

This is the final card of the DISK suit, relating to the physical world - money, bodies, jobs, chores, projects etc. Matter.

Finally at the 10 we arrive at manifestation, so this is a very grounded cars, something has been established and it's maxed out - was it successful? Value in means value out.

The coins relate to differing ways to achieve what we desire in manifesting reality - along with planetary symbols easily recognized - Mercury being the planet of the card and in Virgo the sign it co-rules (along with Gemini) which suggests manifestation first comes from the mind/mind's eye and then manifested in physical reality (Virgo).

This card is called 'wealth' and of course the ultimate wealth is spiritual (you can't take it with you when it's gone in the material world) but also shows the enjoyment on the physical plane of earth reality and its fruits.

***

One noticeable manifestation of this card, which I don't see as obviously related but which I am drawn to mention was knocking over the metal plant stand and having soil covering the kitchen floor - the coins show the plates, pots and soil covering the ground (and you can't get more earthy than that).

Today didn't have major money issues but the topic of self-worth came up and self-respect - valuing yourself highly and I think this is a mirror of the card - being totally at home in the physical. Mercury in Virgo is to find something you truly care about, a service or project (Virgo) you can focus on and give your awareness and mind to (Mercury) and thus achieve something solid and lasting in life.

Details, mess, and just letting things fall into place (once you know what the details are) were themes today - as I sit with soil at my feet and not caring, I'll clean it up tomorrow.
Another theme that jumps to mind was a character on Seinfeld - 'you were acting as though your body were a theme park'.

Maybe it truly is, since we got a seasonal pass to occupy a body in this realm of physical experience. The Wealth cards represent just that gift. And the mess that comes with it. Yee-aa!

May 17 : Seven of Cups (Reversed)

2006-05-17T22:54:00.000-07:00

The Seven of Cups of 'Debauch'.

The water of emotions has become stagnant, something's not working. Overindulgence sets in, and too much of a good thing can turn one sickly. Something sticky need untangling from.

The energy of this card is pretty obvious from first glance but the meaning goes deeper. The love (Venus) of depth, intrigue and taboos (Scorpio) can take over if we're not careful, and base instincts become our major value or love (Venus).

An emotional clearing or cleaning needs to take place with this card - are we suppressing something by indulging in sex, music, TV, sleep, food, sugar, smoking, drugs - there are many ways t overindulge.

I see this as the fantasy card too - it's not to do with reality - the emotions are all over the place - this is the hangover card, the feeling of floating and having no grounding. Possibilities exist but it's pie-in-the-sky and nothing grounded, no roots and nothing to hang your hat on.

***

Today wasn't an overindulgence day, though my focus on sexual energy was time-consuming and wasteful in many ways (what's new there - since my Lower Chakra seems to spin with a fierce abandon these days...without me even wearing red..) Yes I ate chocolate but not an amazing amount, but I guess mostly it was a drifty, dreamy day and not much grounding.
I tried the gym but i ended up changing the routine because I overdid it (i guess overextension fits the message of the card). Venus in Scorpio - I did enjoy a heart to heart and a depth conversation with my partner on sexual energy and re-channeling energy, moving energy which would be Scorpio related. All in all I see an emotional and physical cleansing and cleaning in the works, I guess this card allowed me to take a time out, and to go to the gym, do two machines and then say 'screw it, this isn't working, let's flow on elsewhere' and leave.
All in all, a low-key drifting day, a dreamy quality very like the symbol. Perhaps I'll understand more of the reversed relevance in time.
As for the 'sick' aspect to this card - the cats vomited twice on the carpet today - someone once mentioned the 'vomit' feel to this card, so this made me smile.

May 16: The Star (Reversed)

2006-05-16T15:10:00.000-07:00

The Star is a beautiful card. So serene, peaceful. It's a place I love to go sometimes, because it's off this noisy planet and it's soothing.
I love the gracefulness of this card.

The Star relates to Aquarius so a detached perspective is important. It often means humanitarian ideals, or new concepts passed on to others or the planet, a cause outside of yourself. It is intergalactic, inter-dimensional, the antithesis of personal issues. This figure pours her knowledge forth, and is recharged by the cosmos itself.

Lines of communication are flowing, her two cups are a passage of energy - Aquarius symbol relates to the same, telepathic waves, magnetic rays, internet cables, phone lines and so forth.

The Bigger Picture is seen in this card - the figure and their place on the planet as a whole, or in the sphere of their own life comes into focus. She is by no means small in this picture, she is an integral part of everything - connected, offering, allowing, and sharing in the give and take of lifes energy flow. Beautiful.

***
Since this card was reversed I see the cups being filled up with galactic information and knowledge which is interesting considering today I listened to some radio broadcasts online regarding aliens, earth plans and cosmic knowledge. How appropriate for the image on the card.
I went on a mission to buy more juice (flow of liquid into the cups) and had an early night (rest, relaxation). All in all was a soothing day.

May 14: Hierophant (Reversed)

2006-05-16T10:37:00.000-07:00

The Hierophant is the first Major Card I've pulled so far. Looking at him, he represents a man of authority, who holds the 'keys' to something. He's wise - this card represents knowledge but also a structure and a set of 'rules' to obey.
There is so much structure to this card - take a look at the Taurus Bulls that litter the symbolism, this is the card relating to Taurus - the sign of building, security, roots, practicality. The color brown reinforces this.

There is a sort of quiet power in this card. If you want to get ahead, you need to go through a rite of passage. Certain behavior opens certain doors.

The figure could represent a doctor, lawyer, a priest, a counselor, or someone who has a vast understanding of a specific field. It could show you need to undergo an initiation of sorts. Perhaps you're seeking some specific answer to a question you have.

***
Today, I actually made a new connection - a man who was a wine collector and specialist so the understanding and knowledge was clearly reflected in this man's abilities. I experienced the Taurus side by getting back to Nature today - he drove us into the wilds of Los Angeles, passing horses (Moon was in Sag today, sign of horses) and into nature to graize a while.

We shared many conversations passing back and forth knowledge we both have and I see today this card represents not only the TEACHER but also the student. His Gemini Moon and my Sag moon of course reflected these polarities. Being a comfy day I was back in my body and more calm and grounded than usual, a clear reflectionof the Taurus energy within this card.

Since the card was reversed we both ended up taking about the 'rules' that others follow that aren't healthy or useful anymore. We talked about going against traditonal roots (reversed hierophant would demonstrate this clearly) and the fact he was an Aquarian and I have an Aquarius Mars backs this up). So this card reversed can often suggest going against how things have been done for years - even your own traditions and rules and following what your body mind and spirit are saying instead.

Breaking with tradition, history and the status quo may be what this card represents in its reversed position.

May 13: The Seven of Swords

2006-05-14T10:46:00.000-07:00

The Seven of Swords is 'Futility'.

As Swords are mental states, here we feel put upon, our main ideas (central sword) attacked/contradicted/hounded/teased? by other small thoughts or ideas. Which will win out? Is the central thought correct? Is the central thought actually attracting the other thoughts?

I see this card as a 'magnet' - thoughts have wings and one main thought held strongly and long enough in the mind, can manifest as other thoughts that are "variations on a theme".

The card also shows the feelings of being hemmed in a specific thought - 'i should, but what if, I can't, but what then'. If you step out of one thought you have a whole host of other ones to contend with. Is it safer being stuck with the uncomfortable?

In traditional interpretations the 7 of Swords relates to thievery, lies, mental strategy and game-playing. I think whatever the case, it's all in the head as usual with swords, and the mental state is the main consideration here - if you're dishonest inside, you can hardly meet with honesty and integrity outside of yourself, right?

Perhaps futility is the name given here because no matter what one thinks, it's not the peace of the 6 of swords and a mind in a state of unrest begins to play games with itself and distract itself with 'niggling worries' to take away from its main pain.

***
Today started well but did deteriorate, with 'niggling worries'. I had to tell a white lie (of course i say i HAD to, but that's not true since there's always a choice. But the 'what if, should i, what then' began to draw other thoughts and problems in - my partner began to throw questions at me and ended up playing the cards energy out, instead of me! His line of questioning (the swords became the jury) made me feel il at ease - but only reflected my own questioning of myself - why question your own integrity if you make decisions based on how you feel?

Feelings and emotions are tricky to balance I see, so the Seven of Swords shows this lack of ease within ones own head. The seven of swords begins the analysing we're to see within the 8 of swords when it becomes too much for the head.

Seven is introspection but I think when it becomes too inner-directed (which is what our conversations were about today) we can begin to target ourselves and fall into victim patterns (the feeling of being robbed by ourselves of peace of mind).

I think it's good to ask with all swords suits - how can I get back to the Ace of Swords, and find peace of mind? What am I doing with my own mental energy that is causing the tension I see within the card?

So I learned today about the power of the mind and how one choice, if not taken boldly, turns you into the figure in the Rider-Waite-Smith Tarot deck (he's sneaking away) and you become someone who sneaks around because you don't feel you can stand behind the choice or thought you have decided upon.

If you think it, it is valid.
If you feel it, it is valid.

I think in our race to be accepted, and understood, we end up leaving ourselves wide open to being questioned by ourselves and then others.

mental invasion of negative thoughts is a choice. I think the Seven of Swords today represented standing firm by my thoughts and choices. Decisions are personal and can only be judged (if at all) by the person making them. Outside sources become the other swords - a source of annoyance and distraction that drains our mental batteries.

May 12: Three of Swords (reversed)

2006-05-13T11:30:00.000-07:00

The Three of Swords is Sorrow.

As swords cards represents mental states, this card of the day represents the mind focusing on things that aren't right, aren't happy and aren't at peace. Saturn (restriction) is in Libra (harmony, peace) so there's a test here and it relates back to what mental images and ideas are held in the mind.

***

As the day unfolded I received an email from someone who had caused me anguish in the past. After a few emails allowing me to express how I felt to the person, it allowed for at least a temporary release of energy, but the more I looked at the relation of the days events to the Tarot card chosen for the day, I came to the conclusion that sometimes there is no resolution for things that have happened. The more we dwell and focus on the 'bad' stuff the more our mind plays it over, until it becomes engrained in our psyche.

The 3 of swords is a "memory" card according to what I experienced today - where we are in the PRESENT is our only control and power over what has happened in the "past" - (is it really i the past if we're harping on about it now, here, today).

So today was an eye-opener as I began to see how our minds holds us prisoner to people and events that have caused us harm and that, in reality, no one can harm us but our own minds and interpretations of events.

The card waes REVERSED which I see meant I could finally untangle from the cards meaning and come out with more of an awareness of what my mind was doing, and how it was feeding past problems.

Sorrow is sorrow, when things have soured, there is often nothing to do but to communicate it, and then move on - mentally, first. All else comes after your mind is freed.

NOTE: In the end, I received a total of 3 emails (3 of swords) from this person, (someone I used to share a lot of time with (Saturn in LIBRA) and I see swords cards can relate to the mind but also communications and messages.

May 11: Art (Reversed)

2006-05-12T06:43:00.000-07:00

Art represents a synthesis of many things, combined to create something new. So for this as the card of my day I was excited about the possibilties. Like Sagittarius, the card it represents, we go beyond what we are by incorporating new elements and reaching further afield.

Today I finalized plans for my new column in a magazine over in the Costa Del Sol (Sagittarius relates to overseas) but the most striking reflection of the card is found in two processes I was involved in today - look at the card and you can see it - I baked a loaf of bread and made a lemon pound cake today! Alchemy of yesterday is the cooking of today - I didn't have enough oil so I used some cinnamon honey and it came out really cool. The 9 grain loaf however didn't rise as well as expected (but was still tasty with blackberry jam) but the symbol is that ingredients all have a purpose, and when combined create something larger.

The Bigger Picture card, that's how I see this card: the Art of taking what you have, and making something bigger and better out of it.

NOTE: The card was reversed which I think was reflected in the bread not rising as high as I anticipated. There may be other signs from the day, but this is what i see as standing out the most.

May 10: 5 of Disks (Reversed)

2006-05-11T10:57:00.000-07:00

This card is called Worry which doesn't strike you me a very friendly or happy-go-lucky card, but since the card is reversed I wonder if it represents the shadow side of what the card traditionally represents.

Here we have the upright pentacle as opposed to the upside down (when the card is upright). So, the energies of earth are being unleashed and put to use.

This card is Mercury in Taurus - showing that the mind is on material matters, but since the card is reversed, there are higher aspirations than just the mundane. The concern is material, yes, but the vision is higher.

Today wasn't a worrying day as I anticipated. I did have to do some financial negotiations, pay a bill I thought was taken care of, but I spent a vast amount of time working on the website and other detailed work, and I was feeling actually very grounded and ended up sleeping well through the evening into the early hours.

The Card of this Blog/Journey

2006-05-10T01:47:00.000-07:00

The first card, drawn to represent this Blog and this Journey is the KNIGHT OF WANDS.

What better card than this to show the ACTION, the ADVENTURE. Let the journey begin!

The call to adventure has been sounded. The knight is ready for anything. He's holding the torch of knowledge to burn away obstacles and ignorance in his path and also to light the hidden corners of his world.

What a great card. This blog will be fun, adventurous, passionate and full of Fire and I'm sure it'll progress pretty fast. So this is a great start, and I'm happy!

Wands are initiative and Knights are the full flavor of this suit.

Welcome to My Journey

2006-05-10T01:40:00.000-07:00

Wed May 10 2006 1.38am

I have just created this, my new baby and project, something a little more fun and personal for myself to coincide with my professional Astrological studies and practice as the two go hand in hand, and well, it's a lot of fun to play with Tarot cards, isn't it? I think so.

This will become my very own personal Daily Tarot Journal to see the reflections and connections between the Tarot cards and my day to day journey through the rest of this interesting life on Planet Earth.

You're welcome to join in, share thoughts or just mosey on it, and see what is happening and perhaps learning something about the Tarot yourself in the process. Welcome.

I'll draw up the Astrology chart of this blog's inception of course, which will reveal its own mysteries and secrets but for now, let's concentrate on the task at hand.

I'll pull a Card every day and share my thoughts and experiences and we'll see what we create as we go along.

Here's to the Adventure!
Love,
Neil