Oct 23: The Moon

For the second day in a row, the MOON card comes up as my card of the day and so warrants further attention.

I spent the better part of yesterday catching up on sleep, and at a low emotional ebb, which could be seen as depression or the tail end of the waning lunar cycle to make way for the New Moon which opened up around 9pm last night.

Today must be a carry on - the Moon shows us what we carry from our Dream World and our unconscious. With so much emotional energy now which I am steeped within (the Moon is the Pisces card of the deck, my own sun sign) it is hard not to feel a little lost and confused.

A journey must be made through uncertainty.

Questions to Answer: What do your fears represent to you? What have you forgotten? What do you instinctively want to do? What kind of cycle or pattern are you repeating? Are your actions appropriate to this particular situation or are you responding to some past situation? What is bewildering or confusing you? What is real and what is illusion?

My fears now are of giving and not receiving what I feel is fair within a relationship (how approproriate under a Libra New Moon).

What have I forgotten - how much it hurts to feel overlooked and left out, and giving Love and not receiving it. Old relationship wounds (my natal Venus is conjunct Chiron).

What do I instinctively want to do: run away or withdraw (Pisces escapism, another Moon energy) or cry.

What kind of cycle or pattern am I repeating? Relationship over-expectations, physical stress, emotional withdrawel and feeling I am settling for something less than I deserve. Not being honest about my feelings which leads to self protection and withdrawal and over-sleeping. Feeling I am left to give emotionally and feed another and then feed myself, without receiving any emotional support back. Relationship imbalance - one person playing the 'unavailable' card and the other (myself in this case) wanting more connection.

Are my actions appropriate to this particular situation or am I responding to some past situation?

I'm respondng based on how I feel but yes these emotions are old and repetitive. Withdrawel is my only option at emotional disappointment. I feel to have to scream 'SEE ME" in a relationship, that I am already not being seen, or energy is not being invested in wanting to see me or understand or explore me. Indifference. This is old for me - a cycle I am sure was repeated over and over again in other lives, but I am yet unsure how to deal with this. I am responding to an emotional pattern, yes, based in the past, yes but I can only respond based on my feelings in the moment. So I am unsure how to move through that as of yet.

What is bewildering or confusing me? Why this has to repeat. Why I need to try hard or want something I am not receiving. How someone can want so little of me and be satisfied (seemingly). That someone wants to take so much and give little of the same back. Why I am manifesting this currently - that's the big one. I am worthy of an available person to share space with, and feeling empty, isolated and cut off from them is confusing to me. I am also bewildered by the fact I cannot change this but accept it.

What is real and what is illusion? Good question. I know my partner loves me, that is without question. Currently we are physically disconnected which for me always leads to emotional disconnection (Moon in 2nd house). His Moon lies in the 8th house which is the polar opposite house, of more emotional control (8th) as opposed to enjoyment (2nd). The two are tied to me but this is an illusion of course. I see love as a package - sexual, emotional, intellectual, spiritual. The first two aren't flowing right now, I guess because the two are connected for me. But I am available on these levels and 'now wanted' so I am left confused. The illusion of course is in not being loved, but I feel we need 'proof' of this on these 4 basic levels, or else we are skirting on the surface of life or a relationship with no desire to seek a deeper meaning of experience. With Scorpio Rising I only want a deep connection, without this I feel ungrounded.

However, I know I am a free spirit and that side plays into this - as he is manifesting that side for me. So it's like two cats around each other who know they exist but don't need a full interaction. He seems fine with it, I don't. it creates a deficit and I come off as worse - he is okay without these deeper connections, I am not. How is this fair or just, and more importantly how is this going to aid me on my own journey. I can only be the one to suffer through accepting or allowing this.

These are my thoughts this morning. The Moon card shows that this is all a Dream and that perhaps it's to cleanse out these old emotions. I am so good at being fully IN a relationship and fully OUT of one. I am not happy with being in one and having to be one foot in one foot out, seeking satisfaction elsewhere, when I am excited to explore deeper levels with the person I am with. FOr some reason, detachment and space exist once more (it's cyclic it seems) and I can only honor it.