Oct 27: The Chariot (reversed)

I never really understood this card until after the days events. When things get out of control and you're off the tracks, and things begin pulling in different directions and become too 'black or white' (like the sphinx), we have a tendency to push ahead to correct the imbalance thereby driving us further down the road that's off track for our wellbeing.

The Chariot isn't destructive when reversed I don't think so much as showing that there's force being applied and progress being sought after or achieved but in the wrong doseage, or applied at the wrong time or in the wrong manner. A sledgehammer for a tiny nail.

Grabbing the reins may only come after losingall control. This is the vehicle (Chariot) thats either broken down, running low on gas, or heading uphill, in the wrong direction or just at a standstill.
Is progress made when we sit still? Does movement mean progress? Is doing nothing, doing enough?

Worthy questions with this card. Direction is everything now - without it we're spinning wheels and burning rubber and wasting gas

Oct 26: The Star

Today was a perfect representation as far as I could see of the uses of the STAR energy. As the figure pours water on the land (body) and spirit (water) I too ended up focusing more time and energy in different directions. I finally mailed out my acting headshots and resumes, time specifically dedicated to this, since I have focusing solely on Astrology. I like having these two paths for balance. And also letting my body rest and my mind along with it (Earlier nights).

The STAR is hope, renewal, healing and I'm already feeling a lot better today. The STAR - how perfect for a time of mailing out headshots to casting agents, directors and so forth here in Los Angeles, the city where Stars are imprinted on the sidewalks on Hollywood Blvd down the road.

Oct 25 : The Moon

Wow, here we are again. The MOON card. I'm still under the influence of the Moon, the New Moon phase and my unconscious. Am I walking round in a dream world right now?

I ended up with a little head cold and feeling slightly under the weather today so had an early night and rested up again.

Oct 24: Ace of Wands (reversed)

The Ace is always the birth of something, and the Wands are about inspiration and intuition, intiative and energy.

Since the card is reversed it suggests being close to a breakthrough and new start, but the birth isn't ready or the soil isn't quite fertile yet.

I wonder what the 'thumbs down' could be related to? Still there is much growth and energy here, just not fully acknowledged or realized.

I am up early today, and resuming my tarot journal after a departure. I seem to move in cycles with this but I am trying to remain constant.

Questions to Answer: Are you really trying or is there too much activity in your life?

Funny, at the tail end of the day, I was scheduled to do the radio segment but was too tired. After months of on off on off and them forgetting I don't have so much faith in their structure. So I ended up going to bed because I was burned out and tired from staying up late to often be forgotten about. After receiving an email I finally had to deal with this issue.

What is inspiring you?

Enjoying reconnecting with my partner and sharing experiences.

What has aroused your passions and desires?

Shared time always brings new options, ideas back into my frame of reference.

How do you want to grow?

I want to grow now through continued studied and application of my knowledge.

How do you want to express yourself creatively?

More artwork and filmwork.

I went to bed early - and consider the Ace of Wands a marker of ACTION ENERGY, applied more to inner development. I was tired so chose to relax than seek satisfaction in the outer world (Sun currently transits my 12th house).

Oct 24: Seven of Swords (reversed)

The Seven of Swords card came up once before this, and it was right at the tail end of a difficult time. Again, it points to a passage, a rites of passage and the moving to a new place. Swords are mental energies and again a new perspective can be gained, by space, quiet and open communication both within and without.

The card is reversed showing I haven't yet reached a new shore, but the decision to move forward has been reached. yesterday under the Moon card my partner and I ended up having a face-to-face about everything we are currently working through. Tears were shed, and new perspectives found. We have new ideas to implement - ideally, new ways to re-energize the connection that we know exists, but which needs to be honored, in a world of battling outside forces, dealing with disturbances and crafting a path through a forest of thick thorns.

Reversed, the swords keep the holes in the boat plugged - our mental defenses are often there for a reason, so we can't change our minds and our perceptions that easily, we can only take on new ideas and replace rotten thoughts and with new perspectives, fresh ones that seem something we can grab, whilst letting go of the previous swords (thoughts)., Truly, our thoughts bind us.

The passageway has begun, and it now involves finding a new way to steer ahead. Things are already amazing, in that clarity has been reached by sharing ideas on where things are at on both of our sides. Still a team - the woman, child and man on the boat are all in this together and facing the same direction - forward. Reversed, by looking at troubled water, we can move through it and come out, under the bridge.

Questions to Answer: What immediate problems are you attempting to solve? Where will you go to solve them? Where in your life right now is mental clarity important? How are you liberating your mind from clutter and false ideas so that you can think clearly? When you step back from your problem to gain a clear perspective, what do you see?

What immediate problems are you attempting to solve?

How to commit to celebrating our union and finding something to aim towards together instead of being pulled in different directions by outside demands.

Where will you go to solve them? Sharing ideas, seeing what feels right and can work. And by going within - to see what is needed.

Where in your life right now is mental clarity important?

Understanding and acknowleding needs and where our beliefs and ideas are out of synch with the reality of the situation.

When you step back from your problem to gain a clear perspective, what do you see?

That everything is as it should be and that lack of communication, even if it means repeating conversations that I think should have been resolved by now, always leads to further self-indulgent and unhelpful mental patterns that inevitably leads to behavior patterns that separate rather than unite us.

I also see that things aren't as heavy or serious as I thought and that really it's all about having fun together, and not getting stuck on having to battle so hard to enjoy life, ourselves and each other.

Oct 23: The Moon

For the second day in a row, the MOON card comes up as my card of the day and so warrants further attention.

I spent the better part of yesterday catching up on sleep, and at a low emotional ebb, which could be seen as depression or the tail end of the waning lunar cycle to make way for the New Moon which opened up around 9pm last night.

Today must be a carry on - the Moon shows us what we carry from our Dream World and our unconscious. With so much emotional energy now which I am steeped within (the Moon is the Pisces card of the deck, my own sun sign) it is hard not to feel a little lost and confused.

A journey must be made through uncertainty.

Questions to Answer: What do your fears represent to you? What have you forgotten? What do you instinctively want to do? What kind of cycle or pattern are you repeating? Are your actions appropriate to this particular situation or are you responding to some past situation? What is bewildering or confusing you? What is real and what is illusion?

My fears now are of giving and not receiving what I feel is fair within a relationship (how approproriate under a Libra New Moon).

What have I forgotten - how much it hurts to feel overlooked and left out, and giving Love and not receiving it. Old relationship wounds (my natal Venus is conjunct Chiron).

What do I instinctively want to do: run away or withdraw (Pisces escapism, another Moon energy) or cry.

What kind of cycle or pattern am I repeating? Relationship over-expectations, physical stress, emotional withdrawel and feeling I am settling for something less than I deserve. Not being honest about my feelings which leads to self protection and withdrawal and over-sleeping. Feeling I am left to give emotionally and feed another and then feed myself, without receiving any emotional support back. Relationship imbalance - one person playing the 'unavailable' card and the other (myself in this case) wanting more connection.

Are my actions appropriate to this particular situation or am I responding to some past situation?

I'm respondng based on how I feel but yes these emotions are old and repetitive. Withdrawel is my only option at emotional disappointment. I feel to have to scream 'SEE ME" in a relationship, that I am already not being seen, or energy is not being invested in wanting to see me or understand or explore me. Indifference. This is old for me - a cycle I am sure was repeated over and over again in other lives, but I am yet unsure how to deal with this. I am responding to an emotional pattern, yes, based in the past, yes but I can only respond based on my feelings in the moment. So I am unsure how to move through that as of yet.

What is bewildering or confusing me? Why this has to repeat. Why I need to try hard or want something I am not receiving. How someone can want so little of me and be satisfied (seemingly). That someone wants to take so much and give little of the same back. Why I am manifesting this currently - that's the big one. I am worthy of an available person to share space with, and feeling empty, isolated and cut off from them is confusing to me. I am also bewildered by the fact I cannot change this but accept it.

What is real and what is illusion? Good question. I know my partner loves me, that is without question. Currently we are physically disconnected which for me always leads to emotional disconnection (Moon in 2nd house). His Moon lies in the 8th house which is the polar opposite house, of more emotional control (8th) as opposed to enjoyment (2nd). The two are tied to me but this is an illusion of course. I see love as a package - sexual, emotional, intellectual, spiritual. The first two aren't flowing right now, I guess because the two are connected for me. But I am available on these levels and 'now wanted' so I am left confused. The illusion of course is in not being loved, but I feel we need 'proof' of this on these 4 basic levels, or else we are skirting on the surface of life or a relationship with no desire to seek a deeper meaning of experience. With Scorpio Rising I only want a deep connection, without this I feel ungrounded.

However, I know I am a free spirit and that side plays into this - as he is manifesting that side for me. So it's like two cats around each other who know they exist but don't need a full interaction. He seems fine with it, I don't. it creates a deficit and I come off as worse - he is okay without these deeper connections, I am not. How is this fair or just, and more importantly how is this going to aid me on my own journey. I can only be the one to suffer through accepting or allowing this.

These are my thoughts this morning. The Moon card shows that this is all a Dream and that perhaps it's to cleanse out these old emotions. I am so good at being fully IN a relationship and fully OUT of one. I am not happy with being in one and having to be one foot in one foot out, seeking satisfaction elsewhere, when I am excited to explore deeper levels with the person I am with. FOr some reason, detachment and space exist once more (it's cyclic it seems) and I can only honor it.

Oct 21: New Moon in Libra: THE MOON

What a fitting card, after almost a month of no entries.

The Moon card, on the day of the New Moon. A sign indeed to focus on new emotional energies, new leads, opportunities and doors. In Libra and touching my North Node, certainly a time of fresh adventures and allowing new energy in.

I feel this - from repeating old relationship energies, for starters. Old emotional circles. And the necessity of restoring natural balance (Libra). I'm also aware of the need to feed myself more, not only on the food level, but also emotional level with more comfort and through new Moon experiences - I am continuing my artwork and want to begin learning the guitar - since there's one hung up on the wall above where I sit, and I haven't learned to play. Also to tap into my Sagittarius side and spend more time outdoors - since moving to Los Angeles, I have allowed my partner's lack of desire to hike or spend time in the wilderness overcome my natural need for these things, so I am going to seek out a way to walk to the nearby hiking trails, and find a place to sit outside and read, or go for a nightly hike. That would be good for the soul (I mistyped 'soil' which seems a cosmic wink).

The Moon card was reflected today in the Chakra clearing I just performed. I actually ended up releasing a lot of emotional energy by crying, which came on unexpectedly. A great release. We're not at the New Moon until around 9pm tonight so this is a great stage of preparation, clearing out the old to make way for the new.

Today I was watching Buffy episodes which gives me great comfort, as I was stapling headshots to my resumes, to mail out under the New Moon, to casting agents etc. I actually checked into Sarah Michelle Geller's birth chart and wasn't surprised to see she was born weeks later than me - and shares the Aries south node of warrior energy. I'll write more on her chart in a future episode of the Astrology Blog. Stay tuned.

For now, I'm left to a very watery, emotional and sensitive Moon day, one where I'm reminded to nurture myself first and foremost with things that feed my soul. It's easy, especially within relationships, to lose track of oneself, in the race to merge and share with another. So today I respect and honor my relationships by working on and being with myself.

A bath, some reading, a spot of tanning (which is really helping me feel good) and some outside time today and a little work out should be a great way to regain my own sense of Balance, under this Libra New Moon.

You know, I sat and looked at the Moon card and had no idea what it meant to begin with. How amazing, since it was loaded with so much information. I'll add more if more comes up today as it's still early.